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  • Should'a
    16 May 2004

    I'm writing this because I doubt anyone will see this, read this. Not anyone who I love, I loved. Not anyone who matters.
    To them, I should say I love you all, all you have done for me, to encourage my growth, et. al. I should apologize, as I have failed you. No really. I know I have. You should know I apologize because I know, it's not that; it's that I've always known. I've failed myself and I've failed you and I kept on doing just that. Falling and failing deeper and deeper into myself, knowing how to change and what to do, too scared to care.
    I should say this, as it is all true.
    I should also say that without you, I would not have these panic attacks. These Xanadu agents are my muse, all with your faces, causing all my words on this page. All this blame and panic and fear and doubt would not exist without you.