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    28 Jan 2003

    it was a harsh winter the year i realized no one had ever told me they loved me. that was ok though. for now, anyways. december came in with snow and amazing people that year, so i had other things to focus my attention on. we were on our way to anna's house, jason, meg, and i. there was never anything to do in these dying towns, but if you found the right people, it wasn't so bad.

    he drove too fast. he always drove too fast. but not to the point that it scared me. he knew the roads and he could handle the car. i'd only ever been afraid of his driving once, and this was not it. i was alone in the backseat and my knees were braced on the seat just so, that the car never threw me around, but rather, pulled me with it through every curve.

    the windows were slightly fogged up, giving the stark landscape a softer edge as i watched it disappear one telephone pole at a time. megan had said something but i didn't hear, and that was ok. between the speed, the heat of the car, and the bass line of the music grinding into my back as i sank deeper into the comfort of the seats and the warm scent of Curve cologne - i was nearing sensory overload.

    we were on the highway when i saw jason lean back a bit to attract my attention. i followed the line of his arm down to the tip of his finger where he tapped on the dashboard. the speedometer went to 110 and he had buried it.

    i heard my own light laugh join theirs and, oddly enough, i wasn't afraid. i settled back into the seat and realized, in a frighteningly non-chalant manner, that i could very well die that night. that moment, even. but i was ok with that.

    and in that instant i fell in love with life, with death, with the moment. i fell in love with myself and all the people i already loved. i fell in love with music, with sound, with the soft, warm shell of perfection that the car had become. i fell in love with the thought that happiness didnt' come in the form of roses or romantic dinners or other things i'd never been given, but in individual moments so alive, so ethereal that they can take you from this world to the next.

    wrote this for my creative writing class - prompt: falling in lvoe