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  • Poetry on Heart Break
    Kaydi Chou
    11 Jul 2004


    There's a musty smell in my clothes.

    I slept in them last night
    'Cause I had stayed up late
    With thoughts running through my head,
    Like little naked babes about a house.

    Babies are cute like that.

    I turned on the radio
    And listened to the classical music station,
    Getting lost in the piece
    and feeling myself melt away

    Like a piece of butter on the sidewalk,
    Where you can cook eggs on it during a certain month of the year.

    While listening to the music,
    I found myself shifting through time
    And memories.

    I thought of that day when
    We walked down to the lake.
    It was fall,
    And the trees looked like they were on fire,
    And when I turned to look at you
    You were so beautiful I wanted to cry.

    So I proposed.

    And we got hitched in the little unknown church
    That sits in the far corner of town.
    It was small
    And a bit cheap.

    But I knew you liked the wedding,

    Because you didn't stop laughing
    Or crying from happiness.
    All day you were like the sun.
    Your sister moon must have been very jealous.

    I wish I could have given you more.

    You deserved so much better than me.

    I'm so sorry.

    It's all my fault.

    I should be the one whose name is carved on the gravestone
    Next to the little unknown church.



    Kept on hold
    On the nylon telephone line of a fishing
    Bite a microscopic little bite of the bait
    That sways tauntingly in the water.

    Sweet tastes in the water:
    All in the water.

    Part once,
    And come back for more.

    Caught on the rusty serated edge
    And unable to tear away,
    Frantic eyes spazzmatically search
    For an escape from deleterious love.
    But there is still the sweet
    Sickingly sweet
    Taste in the water.


    In the gentle breeze,
    Too kind for good
    Too soft for safety.
    Can't breathe
    In the breeze.
    No hands for clawing away at the aqua lungs
    To soothe the soul but ravage the body.

    Gentle hands
    That mean death
    Close around the neck.
    Love hurts
    With a pop, crack, and tearing of the mouth,
    With the slow suffocation
    Of burning midnight air
    As lungs break.

    You've been denied.
    You've been gut-ified.
    And everything's all over.



    Click tick tick
    The clock struck twelve
    And the silver string of life
    Was snipped short by Fate's shearing scissors
    While the story of our love
    Slipped through my shaking hands

    The first time we met
    In the garden by the sea
    And the pink roses smelled so sweet
    Like old wedding lace kept gently folded in a keepsake box
    As shy eyes met
    And interest by subconscious means
    Sparked a gentle flame

    The first time we kissed
    By the melancholy sea
    And the minute grains of sand
    Were sifted through hair by the brave West wind
    Tossed back into the retreating waves
    Which will always break and fold
    As constant as time

    The first time we made vows
    In the quiet of the night
    With the stars of bright eyes watching
    And the wise owls of the sea
    That cooed and called our names
    Upon the whispers of white breeze
    Where the spirits of the trees
    Recorded all we said

    The first time we melted
    Together as one soul, one being
    In the white-clothed bedroom nestled by the sea
    While white sunlight streamed in
    Pure, crisp, and clean
    As gauzy breezy gossamer curtains
    Floated, not waved
    Gently in the wind

    Click tick tick
    Your soul is gone upon that very wind
    And your lips are cold
    Stiff as stone
    The Fates have cut your silver string
    And the story of our love
    Is clenched in my shaking fingers
    Drifing slowly back into the retreating waves



    There was a time when I thought love was another twisted ploy of the media
    Meant to wrap everyone within it's silken web
    Meant to deceive all those that believed it that there was something better
    Something about you and I for us to feel for each other
    I used to tell myself,
    "When I find that man,
    I will make him prove his love for me.
    I will not trust his words
    Because girls who trust boys
    Are too trusting.
    I will make him run in circles.
    I will make him dance as if upon Hell's fire.
    I will be the woman to make him regret he ever mentioned that word
    I will be the woman to send him to Hell."
    I used to look upon those in "love" with spite and cynicism
    And think if it was for real
    If how they looked at each other with a vague mist in their eyes
    If that was not some trick of the light
    Or some devilry made of their own self-deceiving emotions.
    Oh, what a bitter heart of black I had
    And how content I was with it.
    I used to listen to tormenting love songs
    With lilting notes and heart-wrenching melodies,
    Just to feel as if I had lost the one I loved.
    And it is just now
    That I realize that the reason I had such hate for love
    Was because I had indeed lost the one I loved.
    I had lost you.



    What's it like to have your heart broken?
    To be lead on foolishly
    To believe all the spoon-fed lies that boys feed you
    To live off that dirty deceit
    Is it possible?
    Oh, I think it is.
    I've done it.
    You thought you could hide it.
    But I've got the inside sources.
    Don't you know
    Anything red hot and scandalous always reaches the ears
    Of the one who shouldn't hear it?
    I heard it.
    You know,
    They say the walls come crashing down when you're in love
    They failed to mention that you usually go down with them.
    At least in the end.

    What posessed you to do this to me?
    I tried.
    I did.
    And I was so afraid to rip open my flesh and reveal myself to you.
    And I'm so damn fragile anyway.
    Well, glad to know you were there to show me the path.
    To take me by the hand
    And then push me into a damn tree
    As you drove away.
    Well, after chewing up that bark and spitting it out,
    Letting the bitter taste melt into my tongue,
    I kinda realized something.
    You're an ass.