Simply Delightful - Quotes
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
If you have to tell people you're famous - you aren't.
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, and that's sufficient.
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
A marksman is one who shoots first, and whatever he hits, he calls the target.
If it is worth fighting for, it is worth fighting dirty for.
You can't thrust your hands deeply into your pockets if the holes in them are too large.
When you have a bottle of champagne, you will have something to celebrate.
Moderation is for monks.
If something can go wrong, it will.
If something doesn't go wrong, in the end it will be shown that it would have been ultimately beneficial for it to have gone wrong.
The advantage of being a pessimist is that all your surprises are pleasant.
Suicide is confession and confession is suicide.
The way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.
The less you bet, the more you lose when you win.
The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrongly, without commenting.
If you keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, you don't understand the problem.
A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Promises are like babies: fun to make, but hell to deliver.
Infants speak many languages before they find one that grown-ups can understand.
Everybody needs a certain level of misery in his life to ever be happy.
If his misery falls below his critical level, he becomes unhappy and is driven to seek new misery.
When his total misery rises to his critical level, he becomes happy again.
How can you tell if someone's trying if they never succeed.
Some people will believe anything if it's whispered to them.
I'm for whoever gets you through the night - whether he be Jesus Christ of Jack Daniel's.
The people who snores the loudest will fall asleep first.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Bare feet magnetize sharp objects so that they always point upward from the floor - especially in the dark.
It is better to have poor taste than no taste at all.
Do unto others before they do unto you.
Even with a nightcap, a wolf looks nothing like a grandmother.
Don't spend your gross salary.
When you starve a tiger, the tiger starves last.
Keep yourself from opportunity, and God will keep you from sin.
Basically, this guy was a saint, so we drink.
A conclusion is just simply the place where someone decided to stop thinking.
Love - It's all fun and games till someone loses an eye or gets pregnant.
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
If you were arrested for kindness, would there be enough evidence to convict you?
Enjoy life... This is not a rehearsal.
Life IS pain...anyone who says differently is selling something.
The Princess Bride
How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?
Children are the most expensive form of entertainment.
Winners believe in themselves.
Losers leave it all to fate.
The trouble with being punctual is that people think you have nothing more important to do.
What good is having someone who can walk on water if you don't follow in his footsteps?
Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee.