Quotes for Those Buffs Who Like to Needlepoint Signs for Around the House

Pulliam's Postulate:
          Never step in anything soft.

Dad's Law:
          The most valuable gift you can give your family is a good example.

Steven's Rule
          One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Ornstein's Law:
          Nobody ever puts out a sign that says NICE DOG.

Studdart's Wisdoms:

  1. Beat your child once a day. I you don't know why, he does.
  2. If you would avoid suspicion, do not stoop to lace your shoes in a melon patch.

Chuck's Conclusion:
          A small carafe of wine is illogical, immoral, and inadequate.

Professor Dillon Rule:
          A God we can understand is no God.

Nancy's Maxim:
          A poor excuse is better than no excuse at all.

Welch's Words:
          An honest answer can get you into a lot of trouble.

Fruit of the Loom Fruity Comment:
          Don't sell America shorts.

Ben Franklin's Wisdom:

  1. Success has ruined many a good man.
  2. If a man could have half his wishes, he would double his troubles.
  3. If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.
  4. Anger is never without reason, but seldom with a good one.
  5. If every fool wore a crown, we would all be kings.
  6. Little strokes fell great oaks.

Mrs. Murphy's Law:
          The average woman talks 50 per cent more than her husband listens.

Hill's Crollary of Alimentation:
          If God had meant for us to consume peanut butter, He would have lined our mouths with Teflon.

Cannon's Cogent Comments:

  1. A major cause of divorce is a man's inability to start the outboard motor on the first ten tries.
  2. The cops are always around when you don't want them.

Hardyman's Truism:
          Random stomping seldom catches bugs.

Preston's Postulates:

  1. He who uses bad language is an ignorant shnuck.
  2. Love thy neighbour, but be sure her husband is away.
  3. Two can live as cheaply as one... for half as long.

Kelley's Observation:
          Father's day is just like Mother's day - except he gets a cheaper gift.

Cooper's Law of Affection:
          Home is where, if you have no place to go, they gotta take you in.

More Van Roy's Postulates:

  1. Swallow much but digest little.
  2. Never change diapers in midstream.
  3. When you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

Radar's Fundamental Truth:
          The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.

Rosner's Rules:

  1. Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
  2. It takes two to make a marriage - a girl and her mother.

Allen's Observation:
          There's no such thing as a "simple little job around the house."

The Backed-Up Bathroom Bromide:
          The spirit is willing - but the flush is weak.

The Gordian Maxim:
          If a string has one end, it has another.

The Junk Mail Law:
          The mailman bringeth and the trashman taketh away.

Boob Tube Truism:
          Turn the dial to see what's on another channel - you'll hit a commercial.

The Prodigal Son's Lament:
          Home is where, when they feed you rutabagas, you have you have to eat them.

Norman's Household Hint:
          Give me a home where the buffalo roam, and you've got a room full of buffalo chips.

Doelger's Law:
          Always find out what the kids are doing and tell them to stop.

Renau's Rural Ramblings:
          A hole in the bottom of a bird's nest usually means she enjoys laying eggs, but is not fond of children.

Jason's Law:
          An unbreakable toy is good for breaking other toys.

Flynn's Rumination:
          If I had my life to live over again, I'd make the same mistakes sooner.

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