AND RAMBUNCTIOUS RUMINATIONS
FOR ALL WALKS OF LIFE...
|Axioms for the Computer Age, and Others|
Utz's Laws of Computer Programming:
Any inanimate object, regardless of its position or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
Murphy's First Law:
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy's Second Law:
Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy's Third Law:
In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Fourth Law:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law:
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Sixth Law:
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy's Seventh Law:
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy's Eighth Law:
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Murphy's Ninth Law:
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Murphy's Tenth Law:
Mother Nature is a bitch.
EMurphy's Eleventh Law:
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so ingenious.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:
Things get worse under pressure.
Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the increasing antagonism of nature. It seems only right that nature should be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case. A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept the pigheadedness of nature:
Computers were invented by Murphy.
Landau's Programming Paradoxes:
The attention span of a computer is only as long a it electrical cord.
The Law of Computerdo Accoding to Golub:
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Hoare's Law of Large Programs:
Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
The Law of Computability Applied to Social Science:
The first 90 per cent of the tasks takes 10 per cent of the time and the last 10 per cent takes the other 90 per cent.
To err is human; to really foul things up takes a computer.
Gib's Laws of Computer Unreliability:
A doggone computer is man's best friend.
The Programmer's Nemesis:
Experts theorize that, through evolution and inbreeding, programmers may become a dinstinct subspecies of the human race.
The System Designer's Trouble:
All systems designed to be wonderfully efficient are hell for the people who supply the input and use the output.
Computing power increases as the square of the cost. If you want do do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as fast.
Issac Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics:
Horowitz's Song for In-House Computer Programs:
"I/O, I/O, it's off to work we go..."
Hunt's Law of Suspense:
If any work has a suspense date on it, that work will be completed as close to the suspense date as possible regardless of how far in advance the work was programmed.
A Law for the Future:
If it's not in a compuer, it doesn't exist.
One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions.
Bassagordian's Basic Principle and Ultimate Axiom:
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know what you will find or even when you have found it.
Einstein Theory of Relatives:
The number of person's relatives is directly proportional to his fame.
If a system is of sifficient complexity, it will be built before it is designed, implemented before it is tested, and outdated before it is debugged.
Another One of Murphy's Laws:
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committee. That'll do them in.
The Engineer's Law:
If it can be done with jumpers, it isn't worth doing.
Arthur C. Clarke's Law:
It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value.
The Fail-Safe Theorem:
When a fail-safe system fails, it fails by failing to be fail-safe.
Fahrguard's Four Laws of Thermodynamics:
To road to the patent office is paved with good inventions.
All the world's an analog tape, and digital circuits play only bit parts.
A mathematician is one who is willing to assume everything except responsibility.
Featherstone's Accurate Steps to Systems Development:
Klipstein's Rules for General Engineering:
Science is a collection of successful recipes.
Science proceeds more by what it has learned to ignore than what it takes into account.
Every man has a scheme that won't work.
If builders built buildings the way the programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
Research is a straight line from the tangent of a well-known assumption to the center of a foregone conclusion.
We won't have eprsonal computing until we can get them little and talking.
The Ordering Principle:
Those supplies necessary for yesterday's experiment must be ordered no later than tomorrow noon.