Great Thoughts for Decision Makers

Hodge's Homily:
          There comes a time in a man's life when he must rise above principle.

Cann's Axiom:
          When all else fails, read the instructions.

Malinowski's Law:
          Looking fomr far above, from our high places of safety in the developed civilization, it is easy to see all the crudity and irrelevance of magic.

Dr. Reyer's Reflection:
          A professional is one who does a good job even when he doesn't feel like it.

Van Roy's Law:
          Honesty is the best policy - there's less competition.

Malkin's Rule:
          The more things you own, the more you are owned by things.

Van Roy's Axiom:
          The trouble with people is their trouble with people.

Litzler's Law of International Travel:
          Never, ever, fly on the airline of the country from which you are departing.

Honoré de Balzac's Conclusion:
          There is only one giant machine operated by pygmies, and that is a bureaucracy.

Laocoön's Law of Improbable Generosity:
          Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, but do check for Greek solders elsewhere in its anatomy.

Filson's Law:
          "Push" is the force exerted upon the door marked PULL.

Grandma Soderquist's Thought:
          There are those who don't even like to be rubbed the right way.

Bersani's Law:
          If someone says, "I'm expensive" - believe them.

Van Roy's Truism:
          If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.

Charles de Gaulle's Postulate:
          The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Ralph's Observation:
          It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize you are in a hurry.

Framer's Law:
          You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Emil Freireich's Law:
          General solutions to specific problems become specific problems requiring general solutions.

Louis's Logic:
          One and one does not necessarily make 11.

Mueller's Law:
          You only have a problem if you think it is a problem.

The Feather-Bed Law:
          Success is just a matter of pluck.

Preston's Axiom:
          Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

La Châtelier's Law:
          If some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the equilibrium is displaced in the direction which tends to undo the effect of the stress.

Feldman's Law:
          Don't lie, steal, or cheat unnecessarily.

Hartlet's First Law:
          You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back - you're got something.

Linus Pauling's Rumination:
          The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas.

Sevareid's Law:
          The chief cause of problems is solutions.

Grandma Soderquist's Truism:
          Most pigs end up making hogs of themselves.

A Don Quixote Quote:
          Beware, gentle knight - the greatest monster of them all is reason.

Manly's Maxim:
          Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

MacWhinney's Observation:
          What some people lack in intelligence, they more than make up for stupidity.

Westfield's Law of Job Seeking:
          Never sell more of yourself than you can later buy back with skill and performance.

Jaeger's Facts:

  1. Co-operation is doing with a smile that which you have to do anyway.
  2. It's known fact - cross-eyed teachers cannot control their pupils.
  3. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
  4. Use your head - it's the little things that count.
  5. An idea is a curious thing. It will not work unless you do.
  6. When success turns a man's head, it usually turns everyone else's stomach.
  7. There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head.

Doyle's Law of Ones:
          If you can be off by one, you will be.

Bustlin's Billy Bogus Beliefs:

  1. The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who develop it.
  2. A little humility is arrogance.
  3. History proves nothing.
  4. A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological rococo.
  5. There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.
  6. Capitalism can exist in only one of the two states - welfare or warfare.
  7. Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.

Truths of Management:

  1. Think before you act; it's not your money.
  2. Good management is the expression of oe great idea.
  3. No executive ever devotes any effort to proving himself wrong.
  4. Cash in must exceed cash out.
  5. Management capability is always less than the organization actually needs.
  6. Either an executive can do his job, or he can't.
  7. If sophisticated calculations are needed to justify an action, don't do it.
  8. If you are doing something wrong, you will do it badly.
  9. If you are attemping the impossible, you will fail.
  10. The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.

La Rochefoucauld's Law:
          A kind heart is of little value in chess.

Spark's Law of Problem Solution:
          The chances of solving a problem decline the closer one gets to finding out who was the cause of the problem.

Hobson's Homily:
          Common sense is the least common of all senses.

Shanahan's Law:
          The length of any meeting rises with the square of the number of people present.

Fox's Philosophy:
          The most intelligent people we know are those who ask for advice.

Greenberg's First Law of Experts:
          You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

Edison's Axiom:
          We don't know one millionth of 1 per cent about anything.

Thompson's Adage:
          Be kind. Remember everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Allison's Precept:
          The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurences in that area.

Philosopher's Principle:
          It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by them.

Army Axiom:
          Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

Baehr's Conclusions:

  1. Never get into a pissing contest with a skunk.
  2. Grab them by the balls; the hearts and minds will follow.

Pareto's Law:
          Twenty per cent of the customers account for 80 per cent of the turnover, 20 per cent of components account for 80 per cent of the cost, and so forth.

G. K. Chesterson's Observation:
          I have seen the truth, and it makes no sense.

Finley Peter Dunne's Credo:
          Trust everybody; but always cut the cards.

Boren's Laws:

  1. When in doubt, mumble.
  2. When in trouble, delegate.
  3. When in charge, ponder.

Nowlan's Theory:
          He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Long's Notes:

  1. Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
  2. Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.

The Duke of Windsor's Two Greatest Pieces of Advice:
          Never refuse a chance to sit down or an opportunity to relieve yourself.

Saunder's Slants:

  1. As scarce as the truth is, the supply is much greater than the demand.
  2. Whose bread I eat, his song I sing.
  3. If it's worth doing, it's worth hiring someone who knows how to do it.
  4. There is always free cheese in a mousetrap.
  5. The expedient thing and the right thing are seldom the same thing.

The Law of Predicted Results:
          Market research can be conducted and interpreted to prove any desired conclusion.

Cheop's Law:
          Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Peers's Law:
          The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.

Sattinger's Law:
          It works better if you plug it in.

Feldstein's Law:
          Never, ever, play leapfrog with a unicorn.

The Golden Rule:
          Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

The Point-of-No-Return Law:
          The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train.

Westheimer's Rule:
          To estimate the time it takes to od a task, estimate the time you think it should take, multiply by 2, and change the unit of measure to the next highest unit. Thus we allocate two days for a one-hour task.

Samuel Johnson's Rule:
          There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in making money.

Leo Rosten's Law:
          Second-rate people hire third-rate people.

Dickenson's Truism:
          "Off the top of the head" ideas are often like dandruff - small and flaky.

Poirier's Comment:
          Procrastination, like all other long words, is the thief of time.

Kangnekar's Modified Rules Concerning Decisions:

  1. If you must make a decision, delay it.
  2. If you can authorize someone else to avoid a decision, do so.
  3. If you can form a committee, have them avoid the decision.
  4. If you can otherwise avoid a decision, avoid it immediately.

Peter's Placebo:
          An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.

Eddy's Old Chinese Proverb:
          He who never sticks out neck, never wins by nose.

The Attorney's Rule:
          If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, pound the table and yell like hell.

Ben Franklin's Observation:
          A full belly makes a full brain.

Cohen's Law:
          What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts - not the facts themselves.

Retail Buyer's Motto:
          Never underestimate the lack of taste of the buying public.

Pate's Postulate:
          A bird in the hand is too small for dinner (or the bush may taste better anyway).

The Hidden Truth of Management:
          Kickbacks must always exceed bribes.

Tuccille's First Law of Reality:
          Industry always moves in to fill an economic vacuum.

Robert's Rule:
          At no time in history of mankind have there been enough important executive positions available for all the important people alive at the time.

Stale's Law:
          No matter how careful one is in resealing the inner liner in cereal boxes, it will tear where it is glued to the box.

Cavanaugh's Discovery:
          Never, ever, enter a battle of wits half-armed.

Shomaker's Laws:

  1. All companies experience corporate menopause.
  2. An intelligent person can make a dumber statement than an idiot. The idiot is limited to his imbecility.

The Employment Rule:
          A company is known by the company it employs.

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