AND RAMBUNCTIOUS RUMINATIONS
FOR ALL WALKS OF LIFE...
|Written Proof That Life Isn't All That Serious|
Kegley's Principle of Change:
It is easier to behave your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of behaving.
The Laws of Gardening:
A man is known by the company he keeps - avoiding.
Dr. Wood's Thought:
It is better to have poor taste than no taste at all.
Even with a nightcap, a wolf looks nothing like a grandmother.
J. M. Barrie's Admission:
I am not young enough to know everything.
Virtue is just vice at rest.
James Abbott McNeill Whistler's Conclusion:
If other people are going to talk, conversation is simply impossible.
Johnson's Definition of Economics:
A study of how men make money and how women spend it.
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
Every crowd has a pilfer lining.
Johnson's Commentary on Incompatibility in Marriage:
I'm not incompatible - you're incompatible.
To test your capacity at a cocktail party, pinch both cheeks. If you feel nothing, have one more.
Wolf's Law, or an Optimistic View of a Pessimistic World:
It isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but rather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think if they are not to go wrong.
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility - there are so few of us left.
The less you say, the less you have to take back.
Murphy's Thirteenth Law:
There are no real secrets - only obfuscations.
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane;
Internal consistency is valued more highly than efficiency.
Peter's Perfect-People Palliative:
Each of us is a mixture of good qualities and some (perhaps) not-so-good qualities. In considering our fellow people, we should remember their good qualities and realize that their faults only prove that they are, after all, human. We should refrain from making harsh judgments of people just because they happen to be dirty, rotten, no-good sons-a-bitches.
Cohen's Laws of Innovation:
Propinquity is a function of procreation.
Another of Robert's Rules:
Don't spend your gross salary.
The only way to make something foolproof is to keep it away from fools.
An optimist is a father who lets his teen-age son take the car on a date. A pessimist is a father who will not. A cynic is a father who did.
The importance of any given news event on television is directly proportionate to the amount of time remaining after the commercials.
The Phone Booth Rule:
A lone dime always gets the number nearly right.
The Lewis Law:
If your outgo exceeds your income, your upkeep will be your downfall.
There are no foolish questions, and no man becomes a fool until he stops asking questions.
The Never-Lost-Hope Syndrome:
It is always possible that someday 2 and 2 may turn out not to be four.
George Bernard Shaw's Reasoning:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
The Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives:
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
The Strategic Air Command Aircrew Theorem:
The aircrews will win the war despite the plan from higher headquarters.
The Principle of the Modest Despot:
All I want is the place next to mine.
The Rule of Accuracy:
When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
McClaughry's Law of Zoning:
Where zoning is not needed, it will work perfectly; where it is desperately needed, it always breaks down.
O'Brien's $357.73 Theory:
Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottom line divisible by 5 or 10.
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
An Old English Proverb:
Dishonesty is never an accident. Good men, like good women, never see temptation when they meet it.
Norman Vincent Peale's Observation:
America has become so tense and nervous it has been years since I've seen anyone asleep in church-and that's a bad situation.
Rear Admiral Pinney's Observations:
Jay's Laws of Leadership:
The Kerr-Martin Law:
In dealing with their own problems, faculty members are the world's most extreme conservatives. In dealing with other people's problems, they are the world's most extreme liberals.
Ben Franklin's Laws:
Velonis' Rules on Manufacturing and Specifying:
Flattery is the sincerest form of lying.
Ward 's Old Swedish Corollary:
If cows could fly, everyone would carry an umbrella.
Arthur Schopenhauer's Theorem:
The amount of noise which anyone can bear undisturbed stands in inverse proportion to his mental capacity.
Dr. Sloves's Theorem:
The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
Dr. Sloves's Rule:
That which we resist the most is what we become.
David Brinkley's Observation:
Stupidity is an almost sovereign force.
John Knowles's Law:
Truth is plural and contingent.
Rationalization is a mental technique which allows one to lie or cheat without feeling guilty.
If polls are so accurate, why are there so many polling companies?
Manfredi's Rule of Government:
The arguments against taking action are always superior to those favoring it.
Henry Ford's Rumination:
Under pressure, the mouth speaks when the brain is disengaged, and, sometimes unwittingly, the gearshift is in reverse when it should be in neutral.
The tire is only flat on the bottom.
As we look ahead, time is interminable. As we look back, it is infinitesimal.
You can definitely make mistakes, but you can't make mistakes indefinitely.
A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never sure.
The Worker's Dilemmas, or the Management's Put-Down Laws:
Finagle's New Laws of Information:
Eastman's Personnel Director's Law:
Anyone who thinks there is some good in everyone hasn't interviewed enough people.
Stewart's Marriage Counsel Homily:
If you can't realize your ideal, idealize the real.
Sunny Jim's Law:
There's having and there's getting. Those who have, will always get. Those who get, will never have.
If a man fools me once - shame on him. If the same man fools me twice - shame on me.
Cheetahs are the world's fastest land animal. However, since they are never raced, cheetahs can never win.