Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Quotations
  • I will not carve gods.
  • I will not spank others.
  • I will not aim for the head.
  • I will not barf unless I'm sick
  • I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
  • I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
  • I will not conduct my own fire drills.
  • Funny noises are not funny.
  • I will not snap bras.
  • I will not fake seizures.
  • This punishment is not boring and pointless.
  • My name is not Dr. Death.
  • I will not defame New Orleans.
  • I will not prescribe medication.
  • I will not bury the new kid.
  • I will not teach others to fly.
  • I will not bring sheep to class.
  • A burp is not an answer.
  • Teacher is not a leper.
  • Coffee is not for kids.
  • I will not eat things for money.
  • I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
  • The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
  • I will not call the principal "spud head".
  • Goldfish don't bounce.
  • Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
  • No one is interested in my underpants.
  • I will not sell miracle cures.
  • I will return the seeing-eye dog.
  • I do not have diplomatic immunity.
  • I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
  • I will never win an emmy.
  • The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
  • All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
  • I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
  • I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
  • My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
  • I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
  • I am not deliciously saucy.
  • Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
  • There are plenty of businesses like show business.
  • Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
  • I will not waste chalk.
  • I will not skateboard in the halls.
  • I will not instigate revolution.
  • I will not draw naked ladies in class.
  • I did not see Elvis.
  • I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
  • Garlic gum is not funny.
  • They are laughing at me, not with me.
  • I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
  • I will not encourage others to fly.
  • I will not fake my way through life.
  • Tar is not a plaything.
  • I will not Xerox my butt.
  • It's potato, not potatoe.
  • I will not trade pants with others.
  • I am not a 32 year old woman.
  • I will not do that thing with my tongue.
  • I will not drive the principal's car.
  • I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
  • I will not sell school property.
  • I will not burp in class.
  • I will not cut corners.
  • I will not get very far with this attitude.
  • I will not belch the National Anthem.
  • I will not sell land in Florida.
  • I will not grease the monkey bars.
  • I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
  • I will not do anything bad ever again.
  • I will not show off.
  • I will not sleep through my education.
  • I am not a dentist.
  • Spitwads are not free speech.
  • Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
  • High explosives and school don't mix.
  • Hamsters cannot fly.
  • I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
  • I will not squeak chalk.
  • I will finish what I sta
  • "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
  • Underwear should be worn on the inside.
  • The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
  • I will not torment the emotionally frail.
  • I will not send lard through the mail.
  • I will not use abbrev.
  • Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
  • Indian burns are not our cultural heritage.
  • I will not dissect things unless instructed.
  • I will not hang donuts on my person.
  • No one wants to hear my armpits.
  • I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface.
  • I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
  • I will not strut around like I own the place.
  • Next time it could be me on the scaffolding.
  • The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far.
  • I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist.
  • I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
  • The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.
  • I will not whittle hall passes out of soap.
  • Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things.
  • I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
  • Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does.
  • I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr..
  • I am not certified to remove asbestos.
  • "Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice.
  • I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
  • I will remember to take my medication.
  • The boys room is not a water park.
  • Beans are neither fruit nor musical.
  • Nerve gas is not a toy.
  • "Bewitched" does not promote Satanism.
  • The First Amendment does not cover burping.
  • Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.





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