Vickie: Laney, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.
Lelaina: He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.
Vickie: Do you ever wish you were a lesbian? Don't you think it would be so much easier?
Lelaina: Sometimes, but I don't know. I could never go through with it. I'd start laughing or something.
Vickie: That is such a shame because I have had it with men.
Michael: Have I stepped over some line in the sands of coolness with you? Because excuse me if somebody doesn't know the secret handshake with you.
Troy: There's no secret handshake. There's an IQ prerequisite, but there's no secret handshake.
Troy: The only thing you have to be by the age of 23 is yourself.
Lelaina: Yeah, well, I'm not sure who that is anymore.
Lelaina: I'd like to somehow make a difference in peoples' lives.
Troy: And I... I would like to buy them all a Coke.
Lelaina: And you wonder why we never got involved?
Vickie: Would the two of you just do it and get it over with? I'm starving!
Troy: Did he dazzle you with his extensive knowledge of mineral water? Or was it his in-depth analysis of, uh, uh, Marky Mark that finally reeled you in?
Troy: There's no point to any of this. It's all just a... a random lottery of meaningless tragedy and a series of near escapes. So I take pleasure in the details. You know... a quarter-pounder with cheese, those are good, the sky about ten minutes before it starts to rain, the moment where your laughter become a cackle... and I, I sit back and I smoke my Camel Straights and I ride my own melt.
Lelaina: Oh, oh is this like a, is this like a pirate operation?
Rock: Do I look like a pirate to you?
Lelaina: You've been waiting for this since the day we met.
Vickie: Oh, who told you that? Your psychic partner?!
Troy: I am not under any orders to make the world a better place.
Lelaina: Are you religious?
Michael: Um, uh, I guess uh, I guess I'm, uh a non-practicing Jew.
Lelaina: Hey, I'm a non-practicing virgin.