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Through The Looking-Glass: And What Alice Found There
Lewis Carroll

(contributed by C Shawn Green)





"The horror of that moment," the King went on, "I shall never, never forget."

"You will though," the Queen said, "if you don't make a memorandum of it."





"Never mind!" Alice said in a soothing tone, and, stooping down to the daisies, who were just beginning again, she whispered, "If you don't hold your tongues, I'll pick you."





"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that."





"And then there's the Butterfly," Alice went on, after she had taken a good look at the insect with its head on fire, and had thought to herself, "I wonder if that's the reason insects are so fond of flying into candles -- because they want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies!"





"And what does it live on?"

"Weak tea with cream in it."

A new difficulty came into Alice's head, "Supposing it couldn't find any?" she suggested.

"Then it would die, of course."

"But that much happen very often," Alice remarked thoughtfully.

"It always happens," said the Gnat.





"Contrariwise," continued Tweedledee, "if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic."





But four young Oysters hurried up,

All eager for the treat;

Their coats were brushed, their faces washed;

Their shoes were clean and neat --

And this was odd, because, you know,

They hadn't any feet.





"Not you!" Tweedledee retored contemptuously. "You'd be nowhere. Why you're only a sort of thing in his dream!"

"If that there King was to wake," added Tweedledum, "you'd go out -- bang! -- just like a candle!"





"I am real!" said Alice, and began to cry.

"You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying," Tweedledee remarked: "there's nothing to cry about."





"You know," he added gravely, "it's one of the most serious things that can possibly happen to one in a battle -- to get one's head cut off."





"That's the effect of living backwards," the Queen said kindly: "it always makes one a little giddy at first-----"





"There's the King's Messenger. He's in prison now, being punished: and the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all."

"Suppose he never commits the crime?" said Alice.

"That would be better, wouldn't it?"





Alice laughed, "There's no use trying," she said, "one can't believe impossible things."

"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."





"I don't quite know yet," Alice said very gently, "I should like to look all round me first, if I might."

"You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like," said the Sheep; "but you can't look all round you - unless you've got eyes at the back of your head."





"Must a name mean something?" Alice asked doubtfully.

"Of course it must," Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh; "my name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too. With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost."





"I never ask advice about growing," Alice said indignantly.

"Too proud?" the other enquired.

Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. "I mean," she said, "that one can't help growing older."

"One can't, perhaps," said Humpty Dumpty; "but two can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven."





"And if you take one from three hundred and sixty-five what remains?"

"Three hundred and sixty-four, of course."

Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful, "I'd rather see that done on paper," he said.





"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in a rather scornful tone," it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less."

"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many things."

"The question is," said Humpty Dumpty, "which is to be master -- that's all."





"Well, 'slithy' means lithe and slimy.' 'Lithe is the same as 'active'. You see it's like a portmanteau - there are two meanings packed up into one word."





"Only I don't sing it," he added, as an explanation.

"I see you don't," said Alice.

"If you can see whether I'm singing or not, you've sharper eyes than most," Humpty Dumpty remarked sharply.





"I see nobody on the road," said Alice.

"I only wish I had such eyes," the King remarked in a fretful tone. "To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance too! Why, it's as much as I can do to see real people, by this light."





"Who did you pass on the road?" the King went on, holding out his hand to the Messenger for some hay.

"Nobody," said the Messenger.

"Quite right," said the King: "this young lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you do."

"I do my best," the Messenger said in a sullen tone. "I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do."

"He can't do that," said the King, "or else he'd have been here first."





"You don't know how to manage Looking-glass cakes," the Unicorn remarked. "Hand it round first, and cut it afterwards."





"I see you're admiring my little box," the Knight said in a friendly tone. "It's my own invention - to keep clothes and sandwiches in. You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain can't get in."

"But the things can get out," Alice gently remarked. "Do you know the lid's open?"

"I didn't know it," the Knight said, a shade of vexation passing over his face.





"What's that dish for?"

"It's meant for plum-cake," said Alice.

"We'd better take it with us," the Knight said. "It'll come in handy if we find any plum-cake."





"Well, I was just inventing a new way of getting over a gate - would you like to hear it? "

"Very much indeed," Alice said politely.

"I'll tell you how I came to think of it," said the Knight. "You see, I said to myself 'The only difficulty is with the feet: the head is high enough already.' Now first I put my head on top of the gate - then the head's high enough - then I stand on my head - and the feet are high enough, you see - then I'm over, you see?"





"You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands."

"I don't deny things with my hands," Alice objected.

"Nobody said you did," said the Red Queen. "I said you couldn't if you tried."

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