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Insults - Quotes

You're like school on a Saturday... no class!

Fat Albert

To succeed in life, it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well mannered.


It's understanding that makes it possible for people like us to tolerate people like you.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

If your mind isn't open, keep your mouth shut too.

Sue Grafton
M is for Malice

The wheel is spinning, but the hampster's dead.

I was going to bring you a shit sandwich, but I remembered that you don't like bread.

Is that your face, or did your neck throw-up?

Men are like snowstorms in that you never know when they're coming, how long they'll last, or how many inches you're going to get.

Men have periods too, they just don't bleed.

Tori Amos

He was the kind of man who walked into an Amsterdam hash-bar, and ordered it with eggs.

Ikasatu Kirasawa

She gave him such a look... Man oh man, if looks could kill. That one might have totalled a city block.

Garison Kielor
Prarie Home Companion

God made rivers, God made lakes, God made you, well, we all make mistakes.

"I'm sorry I'm late"
"Dont apologize. I'm sorry you're alive

Blackadder ll

I was gonna smack you in the face, but I see God already beat me to it.

Taz (WWF)

May you live in interesting times!

ancient Chinese curse

Women are more balanced than men. Where the most brilliant minds have so far have mostly belonged to men, no women has ever been as stupid as a man can be.

John Smith

If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic.

If I wanted to hear from an asshole I'd fart.

Hey, you're pretty quick... then again I guess I'd be pretty quick too if I spent the first nine-months of my life dodging a coat hanger.

Are you a polititcian or does lyin' just run in your family?

(Idgie) Mary Stuart Masterson
Fried Green Tomatoes

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your man seems to think so too.

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

H. L. Mencken

Do that trick again, the one where you open your mouth and your head disappears.

Miracle On Mason Street

God made man in his own image, and it would be a sad look out for Christians throughout the globe if God looked anything like you!


I lost closer friends than him the last time I was deloused.


Compliments cost nothing, and so they are of little value to any except fools and women.


Look, we're Americans: optimistic, addicted to the quick fix, constantly on the hunt for the new and exotic. It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff that it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the big macs, and get off our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.

Dennis Miller

Producing satire is kind of hopeless because of the literacy rate of the American public.

Frank Zappa

I assure you, you will never survive on your wits alone.


I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.

Mark Twain

If you can't laugh at yourself, there's always someone there to show you how it's done.

You are the strongest argument, yet, against cloning.

Patricia Richardson
Home Improvement

I'm blonde......what's YOUR excuse?

Becky Platt

Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself.

Erich Fromm

A man is really amazing creature - he grieves when he loses wealth and still he is absolutely indifferent when his life is passing without any aim.


If a man builds one thousand bridges, then sucks one dick, to the world, he's not a bridge-builder, he's a cock-sucker.

Play It to the Bone

Why don't you do the world a favour. Pull your bottom lip up over your head and swallow.

Walter Matthau
Grumpy Old Men

If I had a dollar for every brain you don't have... I'd have a dollar.

Squidward - Spongebob Squarepants

The magnanimity and sensibility of a lady who faints when she sees a calf being killed, she is so kind hearted that she can't look at the blood, but enjoys serving the calf up with sauce

Leo Tolstoy
War and Peace