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Utter Stupidity - Quotes

When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.

Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots.

Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Samuel Goldwyn

It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.

Dan Quayle

If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.

Ernest Bevin

I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.

Dan Quayle

I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.

John Wayne

The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.

"I meant," said Ipslore bitterly, "what is there in this world that truly makes living worth while?"
Death thought about it "CATS," he said eventually, "CATS ARE NICE."

Terry Pratchett

Nigel gave the lamp a cautious buff and small smoking red letters appeared in the air. "Hi," Nigel read aloud, "Do not put down the lamp because your custom is important to us. Please leave a wish after the tone and, very shortly, it will be our command. In the meantime, have a nice eternity."

Terry Pratchett

Love thy neighbor as yourself, but choose your neighborhood.

Louise Beal

People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order so they'll have good voice boxes in case there's ever anything really meaningful to say.

Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Breakfast of Champions

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

Oliver Herford

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Jeff Valdez

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

Alfred North Whitehead

Cats are put on earth to remind us that not everything has a purpose.

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.

Oscar Wilde

The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the cork makes when it is popped.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

A reporter once said to John Lennon that Decca would be kicking themselves for rejecting the beatles, Lennon instantly replied, "I hope they kick themselves to death."

The Lives of John Lennon

Nobody goes there anymore...it's too crowded!

Yogi Berra

A friend is someone who will help you move;
A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a body.

Not everybody knows everything, so use everything you know.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog that matters.

Archie Griffen

You know nothing for sure... except the fact that you know nothing for sure.

John F. Kennedy

No matter where you go, there you are.

Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant!

The glass is neither half empty nor half full. It is twice as large as it needs to be.

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbeaable.

in a Bucharest hotel lobby

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

in a Leipzig elevator

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

in a Belgrade hotel elevator

Please leave your values at the front desk.

in a Paris hotel elevator

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

on the menu of a Swiss reataurant

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11am daily.

in a hotel in Athens

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

in a Yugoslavian hotel

Not to perambulate the corridor in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

in an Austrian hotel catering for skiers

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger: roasted duck let loose, beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

on the menu of a Polish hotel

For your convenience, we recommend courteous efficient self-service.

in an Hong Kong supermarket

Drop your trousers here for best results.

in a Bangkok dry cleaner's

Dresses for street walking.

outside a Paris dress shop

Ladies have fits upstairs.

outside a Hong Kong dress shop

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

in a Rhodes Tailor shop

Could you like to ride on your own ass?

advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand

To stop the drip, turn cock to right.

on the faucet in a Finnish washroom

For coats made for ladies from their own skin.

in the window of a Sweddish furrier

Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.

on the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong

Specialist in women and other diseases.

in the office of a Roman doctor

It is forbidden to enter a womman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

in a Bangkok temple

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

in a Tokyo bar