Utter Stupidity - Quotes
I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.
Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.
The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. Jimmy Buffet
What is big, yellow and eats rocks?
A big, yellow rock eater.
I'm not afraid of work... I can even sleep beside it.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.
People who claim they don't let little things bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito.
The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.
My mind is made up, don't confuse me with the facts!
We all have to die some day, if we live long enough.
Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
The three most common things in the universe are hydrogen, stupidity and wreckage from TIE fighters.
X-Wing series of Novels
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but he also admitted doing it. Now, do you know why his father didn't punish him? Because George still had the axe in his hand.
I used to go fishing, then it dawned on me: I can buy fish.
Can I ask a rhetorical question? Well, can I?
Twice: Once too often.
The Devil's Dictionary
If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal.
Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names.
BBC Proms, Radio 3
Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field. Metro Radio Sports Commentary
Interviewer: "So did you see which train crashed into which train first?"
15-year-old: "No, they both ran into each other at the same time." BBC Radio 4
Presenter (to palaeontologist): "So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say, an elephant?"
Expert: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half-mammoth."
Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?"
Expert: "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks." GLR
Grand National winning jockey Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that!"
Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everyone saw that." BBC
It's not you, it's me. I just don't like you.
I'm never wrong. Once, I thought I was, but I was mistaken.
Tonight's weather, dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning.
as Hippy Dippy Weatherman
Why is it called "taking" a shit? Besides, wouldn't your hands get all messy?
Having a wonderful time, glad you're not here.
P.S. I would have enclosed the $ you asked for, but I had already sealed the envelope. Love, Mom
"I didn't do anything!"
"But you would have done it, given the chance."
"And so I should be punished?"
I fell asleep trying to wake you up.
I feel more like I do now than when I got here.
This is going to leave a bad taste in a lot of people's eyes.
Abscence makes the heart grow fonder, abstinence make the heart go wander.
50% of all married people are women
50% of the putts that are left short don't go in.
I need more than a quarter. I need like twenty-five cents.
War solves nothing. It just leaves one person left to make the decision.
Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl.
One cannot be betrayed if one has no people.
The Usual Suspects
If you believe in your dreams and in yourself, nothing is unattainable.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."
I tried to commit suicide by sticking my head in the oven, but there was a cake in it.
I thought I told you to wait in the car.
Babies don't need fathers, but mothers do. Someone who is taking care of a baby needs to be taken care of.
Remember, even a kick in the ass is a step forward.
I thought I was in love once, but it turned out it was just an inner ear imbalance.