The One With The Butt (106)

written by Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider



Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out


Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding


Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach


Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II


Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Hundredth
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)


Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad


Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
RACHEL: Ooh! Look! Look! Look! Look, there's Joey's picture! This is so exciting!

CHANDLER: You can always spot someone who's never seen one of his plays before. Notice, no fear, no sense of impending doom...

PHOEBE: The exclamation point in the title scares me. Y'know, it's not just Freud, it's Freud!


CHANDLER: Ross, ten o'clock.

ROSS: Is it? Feels like two.

CHANDLER: No, ten o'clock.

ROSS: What?

CHANDLER: There's a beautiful woman at eight, nine, ten o'clock!

ROSS: Oh. Hel-lo!

CHANDLER: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like short, fat, bald men!


CHANDLER: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up here.

ROSS: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.

CHANDLER: Thank you, buddy.

PHOEBE: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see these really beautiful women with these really nothing guys, you could be one of those guys.


CHANDLER: Who's Rick?

AURORA: My husband.

CHANDLER: Oh, so you're divorced?

AURORA: No.

CHANDLER: Oh, I'm sorry, then you're widowed?...Hopefully?

AURORA: No, I'm still married.

CHANDLER: So tell me, how do- how do you think your husband would feel about you sitting here with me?... Sliding your foot so far up my pant leg you can count the change in my pocket?

AURORA: Don't worry. I imagine he'd be okay with you because really, he's okay with Ethan.

CHANDLER: Ethan? There's, there's an Ethan?

AURORA: Mmmm... Ethan is my... boyfriend.

CHANDLER: So explain something to me here, uh, what kind of a relationship do you imagine us having if you already have a husband and a boyfriend?

AURORA: I suppose mainly sexual.


MONICA: Oh. I'm sorry it didn't work out.

CHANDLER: What 'not work out'? I'm seeing her again on Thursday. Didn't you listen to the story?

MONICA: Didn't you listen to the story? I mean, this is twisted! How could you get involved with a woman like this?

CHANDLER: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking, all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's fantasy!

PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?

ROSS: No, of course not!...Yeah, yeah, it is.

MONICA: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's going out with someone else?

JOEY: I couldn't do it.

MONICA: Good for you, Joey.

JOEY: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more people than she is.


ROSS: C'mon, seriously, Joey, what's the part?

JOEY: ... I'm his...

RACHEL: ..You're, you're 'mah mah mah' what?

JOEY: ...I'm his butt double. 'Kay? I play Al Pacino's butt. Alright? He goes into the shower, and then- I'm his butt.


JOEY: Here. I need to borrow some moisturizer.

MONICA: For what?

JOEY: Whaddya think? Today's the big day!

MONICA: Oh my God. Okay, go into the bathroom, use whatever you want, just don't ever tell me what you did in there.


DIRECTOR: And cut. Hey, Butt Guy, what the hell are you doing?

JOEY: Well, I'm- I'm showering.

DIRECTOR: No, that was clenching.

JOEY: Oh. Well, the way I see it, the guy's upset here, y'know? I mean, his wife's dead, his brother's missing... I think his butt would be angry here.

DIRECTOR: I think his butt would like to get this shot before lunch. Once again, rolling... water working... and action... and cut. What was that?

JOEY: I was going for quiet desperation. But if you have to ask...


AURORA: Why can't we just have what we have now? Why can't we just talk, and laugh, and make love, without feeling obligated to one another... and up until tonight I thought that's what you wanted too.

CHANDLER: ...Well, y'know, part of me wants that, but it's like I'm two guys, y'know? I mean, one guy's going 'Shut up! This is great!' But there's this other guy. Actually it's the same guy that wells up every time that Grinch's heart grows three sizes and breaks that measuring device... And he's saying, y'know, 'This is too hard! Get out! Get out!'

AURORA: So... which one of the two guys will you listen to?

CHANDLER: I don't know, I-I have to listen to both of them, they don't exactly let each other finish...




transcribed by guineapig

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