The One With All The Rugby (415)

written by Wil Calhoun

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
MONICA: Joey let me ask you a question. What does this light switch do?

JOEY: Oh, Nothing.

MONICA: Didn't it drive you crazy to have a switch and not know what it did?

JOEY: I know what it did! Nothing.

MONICA: This switch thing has been driving me crazy. So I turned it off and checked every outlet. Now, four of them don't work. Which means, one of them has to be controlled by the switch. So, I plugged in things in all four of the outlets that-that make noise, so that way, when I turn it on I just follow the noise and find out which one it is.

JOEY: I bet I stopped listening before you did.

RACHEL: Y'know, you-you also could've used uh, lamps and then followed the light.

MONICA: Yeah, well, I'm using noise. Okay. All right! So, is everybody ready? Here we go. I hear something! I hear something! Where is it?

RACHEL: It's coming from Joey!

PHOEBE: Oh my God, that's so freaky! Turn him off!

PHOEBE: Ooh, hey, could we put on the news? I think it might be raining.

ROSS: Oh, just hold on a second. I'm watching this rugby thing on ESPN. I don't know what the big deal is. I'm man enough to play this sport.

JOEY: Dude, you're not even man enough to order the channel that carries the sport.

CHANDLER: Y'know uh, you didn't really have to help me pack.

JANICE: Ohh, well when you said all you were going to be doing between now and the time you leave is packing, you didn't really leave me much choice. Did you?

CHANDLER: Well, I-I thought I did but, I-I guess I did not!

JOEY: Hey-hey, what's going on?

CHANDLER: Oh, I'm packing. Y'know I'm-I'm packing 'cause I'm moving to Yemen tomorrow.

JOEY: Thanks for telling me!

CHANDLER: I'm only going to pretend I'm moving to Yemen, it's the only way I can get rid off her.

JOEY: Ohhhh, good one! And Yemen that actually sounds like a real country.

JOEY: Man look at this! Ross, I can't believe you said you'd play rugby. I mean look how brutal this is!

ROSS: Hey, I can handle it! All right?

RACHEL: Please, Ross, you-you got hurt playing badminton with my dad.

ROSS: That's 'cause-'cause your mom's dog kept-kept looking at me.

RACHEL: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You're right, you are a tough guy. You're the toughest palaeontologist I know.

JOEY: All right, come on look, Ross can take care of himself! It's not like he's Chandler!


JOEY: Ross-Ross-Ross-Ross! Stay away from that guy, and that guy. And that one Dude! They're all huge!

ROSS: They don't look any bigger than me!

JOEY: Well, maybe that's because you're closer to you. So you look bigger to you from where you are.

RACHEL: What are these?

MONICA: Electrical plans for the building.

RACHEL: Okay, okay, okay should I be scared?

MONICA: I know that switch does something, okay? So-so I went down to city hall and got these. All I had to do was pay $25 and wait in line for three hours.

RACHEL: Wow! If only more people knew.

EMILY: All right, all right, if you insist on doing this, at least let me help you.

ROSS: No, God no! That is no place for a woman. Those guys will grab anything.

EMILY: No. That's not what I'm saying. I just may know a few things that might help you inflict some pain.

ROSS: I like that.

EMILY: Yeah? Listen closely, Devon has got a weak ankle.

ROSS: Huh?

EMILY: One swift kick and he'll back off.

ROSS: All right, bad ankle, got it!

EMILY: And that big bloke with the beard, he has got a trick hip. Yeah. And uh, and David over there, I heard he doesn't wear a cup.

ROSS: Yeah? I can use that, trick hip, no cup, okay! Okay!

EMILY: And uh, Liam, Liam's got bad knees. You hit him right and he'll go down like a lamp.

ROSS: But-but, Liam's on my team.

EMILY: I don't care! You just get him!

TICKET COUNTER ATTENDANT: This is the final boarding call for Flight 664 to Yemen.

CHANDLER: Well, I-I guess I gotta go.

JANICE: Oh, my Bing-a-ling. I'll wait for you. Do you even know how long you're going to be gone?

CHANDLER: Well, just until we find an energy source to replace fuel.

JANICE: Oh. Well, I'll write you everyday. 15 Yemen Road, Yemen.

transcribed by Eric Aasen