The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel (304)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
HOST: Welcome everybody, welcome to Amazing Discoveries! PHOEBE: Oh, oh! It's on again! JOEY: You guys, can we please not watch this all right. ALL: Shhhh! HOST: Folks, has this ever happened to you. You go to the refrigerator to get a nice glass of milk, (Joey is in the background struggling to open a cartoon of milk) and these darn cartons are so flingin'-flangin' hard to open. JOEY: Oh, you said it Mike. Aw! There's got to be a better way! MIKE: And there is Kevin. JOEY: Can we please turn this off? RACHEL: Noo way, Kevin. MIKE: There is a revolutionary new product that guarantees that you'll never have to open up milk cartons again. Meet the Milk Master 2000. ROSS: Are you intrigued? CHANDLER: You're flingin'-flangin' right I am! MIKE: Keep in mind, he's never used this product before, you're gonna see how easy this is to do. Go ahead. This works with any milk carton. JOEY: Wow, it is easy. Now, I can have milk everyday. JOEY: Hey! PHOEBE: Hey. CHANDLER: Hey, man. What's up? JOEY: Maybe you can tell me. My agent would like to know why I didn't show up at the audition I didn't know I had today. The first good thing she gets me in weeks. How could you not give me the message?! CHANDLER: Well, I'll tell ya I do enjoy guilt, but, ah, it wasn't me. PHOEBE: Yes, it was! It was him! Uh huh! Okay, it was me! JOEY: How is it you? PHOEBE: Well, it was just, it was all so crazy, you know. I mean, Chandler was in the closet, counting to 10, and he was up to 7 and I hadn't found a place to hide yet. I-I-I meant to tell you, and I wrote it all down on my hand. See, all of it. JOEY: Yep, that's my audition. MONICA: See, now this is why I keep notepads everywhere. PHOEBE: Yep, and that's why we don't invite you to play. JANICE: What is the great tragedy here? You go get yourself another appointment. JOEY: Well, Estelle tried, you know. The casting director told her that I missed my chance. PHOEBE: That is unfair. I'll call her and tell her it was totally my fault. JOEY: Pheebs, you can't do that. The casting director doesn't talk to friends, she only talks to agents. PHOEBE: What a sad little life she must lead. JOEY: What, what are you doing? What are you doing? PHOEBE: No, no, no, I know, I know, ooh. 'Hi, this is Katelynn, from Phoebe Buffay's office. Um, is um, Ann there for Phoebe, she'll know what it's about.' JOEY: Hang up, hang up. PHOEBE: 'Annie! Hi. Listen we got a problem with Joey Tribbiani, apparently he missed his audition. Who did you speak to in my office? Estelle, no, I don't know what I'm going to do with her. No. All right, so your husband leaves and burns down the apartment, the world does not stop.' CHANDLER: Is anybody else scared? PHOEBE: 'Right, well look, um, if Joey loses this audition, that is it for Estelle. I don't care! Annie you are a doll, what time can you see him?' I need a pen. CHANDLER: Get the woman a pad! Get the woman a pad! A pad! A pad! MONICA: Oh, now you want a pad. MONICA: I gotta go to work. Has anybody seen my left boob? JOEY: I love that movie. MONICA: There it is. Joey, what are you doing? JOEY: I'm sorry, it just felt nice. CHANDLER: Oh, that's great I'm gonna have to see her tonight. RACHEL: What's the big deal? Why don't you wanna see Janice? CHANDLER: Okay, last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate and took my tomatoes. ROSS: And that's bad because..., you hate chicken piccata? CHANDLER: Noo. ROSS: You didn't want to share your tomatoes, tomatoes are very important to you. CHANDLER: No, it's like all of the sudden, we were this couple. And this alarm started going off in my head: 'Run for your life! Get out of the building!' RACHEL: Men are unbelievable. MONICA: What is it with you people! I mean, the minute you start to feel something, you have to run away? CHANDLER: I know, that, that's why I don't want to go tonight, I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid. MONICA: Oh, you mean like that guy thing where you act mean and distant until you get us to break up with you. JOEY: Hey, you know about that?! CHANDLER: Look what do I do? I wanna get past this, I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment thing. I wanna go through the tunnel, to the other side! ROSS: Where there is no fear of commitment. CHANDLER: Do we have any... Do we have any thoughts here? JOEY: Well, I've never been through the tunnel myself, 'cause as I understand it, you're not allowed to go through with more than one girl in the car, right. But, it seems to me it's pretty much like anything else, you know, face your fear. If you have a fear of heights, you go to the top of the building! If you're afraid of bugs... get a bug. Right. In this case, you have a fear of commitment, so I say you go in there and be the most committed guy there ever was. RACHEL: Amazingly, that makes sense. CHANDLER: You think? JOEY: Oh, yeah. Go for it man, jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun, pee into the wind! CHANDLER: Yeah, Joe, I assure you if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm pretty much peeing every which way. JOEY: You were amazing, could you just do me this huge favor, you see there's this one other audition that I really, really want, and Estelle couldn't get me in. PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. I mean it was fun one time. JOEY: Come on, please, it'll be just this one more, well actually it's two. PHOEBE: Two? JOEY: Yeah! Well, well really it's three. Please. You're so good at it. I love you. PHOEBE: Okay, I'll do it, but just these three, right JOEY: Nooo, four. JANICE: So, how come you wanted to eat in tonight? CHANDLER: 'Cause, I wanted to uh, give you this. JANICE: Ohhh, are you a puppy! Contact paper! I never really know what to say when someone you're sleeping with gives you contact paper. CHANDLER: Well, wait there's, there's more. See the contact paper is to go into your brand new drawer. See, the drawer actually goes in my dresser. JANICE: Oh, you didn't have to do this. CHANDLER: Yes, I did. Yes, I did. Because, you're my girlfriend, and that's what girlfriends should, should get. JANICE: Well, I gotta buy a vowel. Because, oh my Gawd! Who, would've thought that someday, Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer. CHANDLER: Well, not me. But that's what's happened, and, ah, and, and there's more. We should take a trip. JANICE: We should? CHANDLER: Yep, we're a couple and that's what couples do. And, I wanna meet your parents. We should take a trip with your parents! JANICE: I don't think we need to, because you're tripping me out right now! Are you okay? CHANDLER: I am, I actually am. I mean this is amazing. My entire life I have feared this place, and now that I'm here it's like what was the big deal. I could probably say 'Let's move in together.' and I'd be okay. JANICE: You probably want us to move in together? CHANDLER: It doesn't scare me! JANICE: Yeah, well, it scares me! I mean I not even divorced yet, Chandler. You know, you just invited me over here for pasta, and all of the sudden you're talking about moving in together. And, and I wasn't even that hungry. You know what, it's getting a little late, and I-I should just, um... CHANDLER: Oh, no, no, no, don't go! I've scared ya'! I've said too much! I'm hopeless, and awkward, and desperate for love!!! CHANDLER: This ice cream tastes like crap by the way. RACHEL: Yeah, well that's that lo-cal, non dairy, soy milk junk. We sort of, we save the real stuff for those really terminal cases. MONICA: You know, when you start getting screwed over all the time, you gotta switch to low-fat. CHANDLER: Okay, okay. So, should I call her? RACHEL and MONICA: Nooo! RACHEL: This is a very critical time right now. If you feel yourself reaching for that phone, then you go shoe shopping, you get your butt in a bubble bath. You want her back you have to start acting aloof. MONICA: She has to know that your not ready. RACHEL: Right. So, what you have to do is, you have to accidentally run into her on purpose. And then act aloof. CHANDLER: So I'm not, not gonna lose her? RACHEL: Oooh, honey, you're not a total loser. CHANDLER: I said, 'So I'm not gonna lose her?' RACHEL: Oh. ROSS: Guess who's here. It's the toughest guy in toy land, Ben. 'A real American hero. I'm G.I. Joe!' Drop the Barbi, drop the Barbi. RACHEL: G.I. Joe? Do you really think he's gonna fall for that? JOEY: G. I. Joe! Cool! Can I play? JOEY: Pheebs! There you are! PHOEBE: No it's not, sorry. JOEY: But Phoebe, wait! Wait! Phoebe. Phoebe! PHOEBE: Oh, Joey! Oh, okay, see I didn't recognize you wearing, in those... pants. JOEY: Look listen, that TV movie I went in for? Did you hear anything? I think I got a shot at it. PHOEBE: Yes! They called and you didn't get it! Okay, I mean you didn't get it, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. JOEY: It's okay, these things happen. PHOEBE: But they shouldn't happen, you know what, you're, you're in a terrible, terrible business. Oh God, I don't wanna be the person who makes your face look like that. JOEY: I'm, I'm okay. See. PHOEBE: Oh, now you're sad and creepy, oh. You know what, I, I'm sorry I quit, okay, I just quit. JOEY: No! No, no you can't quit! You're the best agent I ever had! Look Pheebs, rejection is part being an actor, you can't take it personally. PHOEBE: Not personal, really, well they said that they never met an Italian actor with a worse Italian accent. JOEY: They actually said that? PHOEBE: Yeah. Ooh God, there's that face again! See I can't do this job! I... JOEY: No, no, no, see that's why you have to do this job, agents always lie. You know, Estelle just says stuff like 'They went another way', but this, I can use this. 'I canna work on a new accent.' JANICE: Why are you shopping here? You don't live in this neighborhood. Were you here waiting for me? CHANDLER: Yeah, huh. I'm just uh, you know I'm just picking up some things for a party. JANICE: Barley? What kind of party serves barley? CHANDLER: Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as sophisticated as yours. JANICE: Where is this party? CHANDLER: Here in Chelsea. JANICE: Who's party is it? CHANDLER: A woman's JANICE: What woman?! CHANDLER: Chelsea. JANICE: Okay, you know, one of two things is happening here. Either you're seeing somebody behind my back, which would make you the biggest jerk on the planet. Or, else you're pretending that you're seeing somebody, which just makes you so pathetic that I could start crying right here in the cereal aisle. So like which of these two guys do you want to be? CHANDLER: Can I be that guy? PHOEBE: Okay, so we got some more good rejections, lots of stuff to work on. JOEY: Okay, shoot. PHOEBE: Okay, um, oh, the zoo commercial. JOEY: I didn't get it? PHOEBE: No. They said you 'Weren't believable as a human being.' So, you can work on that. JOEY: Okay, what else? PHOEBE: Um, the off-Broadway play people said 'You were pretty but dumb'. JOEY: Oh. PHOEBE: Oh no wait, I'm sorry, that's 'pretty dumb.' JOEY: Look, it's okay, no, no, no, really, look um, I really appreciate this Pheebs, but I think I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle. PHOEBE: Oh. JOEY: Yeah, well don't get me wrong, you're a better agent than she is, but at least with her I don't want to blow my pretty dumb brains out. PHOEBE: Yeah, no, I understand. JOEY: You do, thanks. PHOEBE: Yeah. Sorry. JOEY: Wait a minute. PHOEBE: What? JOEY: Wait a minute, did you just make up all that stuff just to get out of being my agent. PHOEBE: Oh, you caught me. I am so busted. JOEY: That's-ah what I suspected-ah. CHANDLER: ... And then I just, you know, threw the bag of barley at her, and ran out of the store. MONICA: My God! Chandler, we said be 'aloof' not 'a doof'. CHANDLER: I've actually ruined this haven't I? It's time for the good ice cream now, right? RACHEL: Yeah, it is. CHANDLER: Hello. Hi, Janice! Can you hold on for a second? Okay. Okay, what do I do? RACHEL: Shhh...I don't know what to do, this is totally unprecedented. MONICA: If-if-if we ever did what you did a man would never call. RACHEL: Yeah. CHANDLER: Hello! MONICA: Oh wait, you know what, I got it, I got it, pretend like you just woke up, okay, that will throw her off. Be sleepy. RACHEL: Yes, and grumpy. CHANDLER: What are you, stop naming dwarves! RACHEL: He's soo lucky, if Janice were a guy, she'd be sleeping with somebody else by now. CAROL: G. I. Joe. G. I. Joe?! ROSS: Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys that's the doll he chose. SUSAN: What'd you do, dip it in sugar? ROSS: Look, G. I. Joe's in, Barbi's out. And if you guys can't deal with it, that's your 'too bad.' MONICA: What are you being such a weenie for? So he has a Barbi, big deal. You used to dress up like a woman. ROSS: What? MONICA: Well, you used to dress up in Mom's clothes all the time. ROSS: What are you talking about? MONICA: The big hat, the pearls, the little pick handbag. ROSS: Okay, you are totally making this up. MONICA: How can you not remember? You made us call you... Bea. ROSS: Oh God. SUSAN: I've literally never been this happy. MONICA: Wasn't there a little song? CAROL: Oh please God, let there be a song.
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