The One With Phoebe's Ex-Partner (314)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
SINGER: 'Cause every time I see your face, I can't help but fall from grace. I know... JOEY: Wow! This girl is good. PHOEBE: Oh-ho yeah! A song with rhyming words. Ooo, I never thought of that before. CHANDLER: I like her. PHOEBE: Why? Because she can sing and play guitar and do both at the same time? CHANDLER: Well, that's pretty much all I'm looking for from these people. SINGER: Hey Phoebe. PHOEBE: Hey Leslie, how'd you know I'd be here? LESLIE: I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell the big fish, and he said you played here a lot, so umm.... CHANDLER: All right listen, I have to go to the bathroom, but if the place with the big fish comes up again. I'd like know whether that's several big fish or just one big fish. LESLIE: Well, I y'know, I was just, umm, I was just thinking and hoping, that umm, maybe you'd want to get back together? PHOEBE: No. But thanks. LESLIE: Aw come on Phoebe would you just think about it? PHOEBE: Okay. No. But thanks. JOEY: Wow, that was kinda brutal. PHOEBE: Well okay, let this be a lesson to all of you, all right. Once you, once you betray me, I become like the ice woman, y'know. Very cold, hard, unyielding, y'know nothing, nothing can penetrate this icy exterior. Can I have a tissue, please? GUNTHER: Someone in there [toilet]? CHANDLER: No. This is just part of a dare devil game that I play called 'wait until the last moment before I burst and die.' CHANDLER: Y'know what Gunther, go ah, go ahead, I'm-I'm talking to ah... This is the part where you say your name. WOMAN: Ginger. CHANDLER: Ginger. I'm talking to Ginger, so... GINGER: Don't you have to use the bathroom? CHANDLER: Nope, nope, I'd just ah, I'd rather talk to you. Yes, I do. Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom. GUNTHER: Someone in here. PHOEBE: Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see if we can get back together. That's the twentieth time today! And good luck Leslie! MONICA: Wow, she must have hurt you pretty bad, huh? PHOEBE: Well, yeah. Y'know, we were best friends, ever since we were little, our Moms worked on the barge together. MONICA: Oh, you two must have been so cute running around on a barge. PHOEBE: You never run on a barge! JOEY: Hey. PHOEBE and MONICA: Hey. JOEY: Is ah, is Chandler around? MONICA: No, umm, he met some girl at the coffee house. JOEY: Oooh. MONICA: Yeah, Ginger something. JOEY: Nooo. No, no, ah, are you sure it wasn't something that sounded like Ginger, like ah, Gingeer? JOEY: Aww, man. That's the girl I was hiding from. When she finds out he's my roommate, she's gonna tell him what I did. MONICA: Well, what did you do? JOEY: What, oh, oh, oh, no, no, I can't, I can't tell you that, it's like the most awful, horrible thing I've ever done my whole life. MONICA: Y'know what, don't tell us. We'll just wait until Chandler gets home, because it'll be more fun that way. JOEY: All right!! Okay, it was like four years ago. Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times, and then this one weekend, we went up to her Dad's cabin. Just me, her, and her annoying little dog Pepper. Well that night, I cooked this really romantic dinner... MONICA: You gave her food poisoning!? JOEY: I wish. No. After dinner, me, her, and Pepper all fell asleep in front of the fire. Well I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that the fire was dying out. So, I picked up a log and threw it on. Or, at least what I thought was a log. PHOEBE: Oh my God!! You threw Pepper on the fire! JOEY: I wish. See, I guess another thing I probably should've told you about Ginger is that she kinda has a ah, artificial leg. MONICA: Oh my God! Joey, what did you do after you threw her leg on the fire? JOEY: I ran!!! CHANDLER: Well, that's the best kiss I've had with anyone I've ever met in a men's room. GINGER: Actually, me too. CHANDLER: Oop, foot in a puddle, foot all in a puddle. GINGER: Oh damn, I hate that. CHANDLER: Yeah, we're gonna have to get you out of those shoes. GINGER: Oh, don't worry about it. CHANDLER: No, really you're gonna freeze. GINGER: No, I'm not. CHANDLER: You're not, what do you, what do you got? A bionic foot? GINGER: Some day, maybe. MONICA: Y'know they say a watched pot never beeps. PHOEBE: It's just y'know, been a couple of hours, and she hasn't called. Not that I even care, y'know. MONICA: Phoebe why don't you just call her? You obviously want to. PHOEBE: You think you know me so well. MONICA: Well, don't 'cha wanna? PHOEBE: Yeah. MONICA: Okay, well I do know you. PHOEBE: That's what I said. MONICA: Well so? PHOEBE: I can't. I can't. She dumped me, I mean I totally trusted her and then one day it was 'Okay, bye Pheebs' gone. Y'know what the saddest part is, when we were playing together, that was like the most fun I've ever had in like all my lives. PHOEBE: Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault. LESLIE: Wow, that's great. PHOEBE: Oh, yeah! LESLIE: Y'know you could totally sell this. It'd be perfect for like umm, a kitty litter campaign. PHOEBE: I... a jingle? No, no-no-no, no. LESLIE: What? Why not? You could make a ton of money. PHOEBE: Okay, well if I was in this for the money, I'd be a millionaire by now, y'know. You just got to get out of that jingle head sweetie. MONICA: So umm, how was your date with Ginger? CHANDLER: Great. It was great. She's ah, she's great, great looking, great personality, she's greatness. MONICA: Sounds like she's got the ah, whole package. CHANDLER: Joey told you about the leg, huh? MONICA: Uh-huh. CHANDLER: Oh God, it freaked me out. Okay, I know it shouldn't have, but it did. I mean I like her, I don't want to stop seeing her, but every so often it's like 'Hey, y'know what, where's your leg?' I mean I'm the smallest person in the world aren't I? I'm the smallest person in the world. JOEY: Morning. CHANDLER: Actually he's the smallest person in the world. JOEY: Heard about the leg burnin' huh? CHANDLER: It came up. JOEY: Listen, I ah, I know it's a longshot. But, by any chance did she find that funny? ROSS: So I nodded off a little. RACHEL: Nodded off!! Ross you were snoring. My father's boat didn't make that much noise when it hit rocks! ROSS: Come on! Forty-five minutes! Forty-five minutes the man talked about strappy backed dresses. RACHEL: Well okay, how about four hours in a freezing museum auditorium listening to Professor Pitstains and he's 'Hey everybody! Remember that thing that's been dead for a gazillion years. Well there's this little bone we didn't know it had!' ROSS: First of all it's Professor Pittain! And second of all, that little bone, proved that, that particular dinosaur had wings, but didn't fly. GINGER: You're thinking about my leg aren't you? CHANDLER: No. No. Actually I forgot, what is the deal with that again? GINGER: It's okay if it bothers you. Really. I mean the only thing I need to know is: 'How much it bothers you?' because I don't like wasting my time. Am I wasting my time? CHANDLER: No. No. I don't think so. GINGER: Okay. It's just like anything else, you just have to get used to it. GINGER: What's that? CHANDLER: That's-that's my nubbin. GINGER: What's a nubbin? CHANDLER: It's kinda a ah, a third nipple kinda thing. GINGER: You have three nipples? CHANDLER: Well, y'know two regulars. And ah one that barely qualifies as... Ahh, what? GINGER: Nothing. I, I just remembered I have to leave. CHANDLER: You ah, you have, you have to leave, now? How come? GINGER: Ah well, it's nubbin. Nothing! Umm. Y'know what, I'll see you later. Okay. PHOEBE: Oh, I thought you weren't coming. What? Where were you? LESLIE: Come here, come here. Okay, don't get mad, okay. PHOEBE: Okay, don't give me a reason to get mad, okay LESLIE: I played Smelly Cat for the people at my old ad agency, they went nuts. PHOEBE: No, look, I told you that I didn't want you to try and sell it, and you just, you big fat did it anyway. God, y'know what, I think five years ago I probably would've done anything to play with you but, I can do it by myself. And if I can't trust you then just forget it. LESLIE: No, no, I don't want to forget it. PHOEBE: Okay y'know what you have to choose. All right, if-if the most important thing on the planet to you is this cat poopy thing then, okay you can have Smelly Cat, but we won't be partners. So what's it gonna be? MONICA: Sorry, Pheebs. JOEY: Yeah. You okay? PHOEBE: Yeah. I actually am, yeah. Y'know life-life's gonna had you all kinds of stuff, y'know you learn your little lessons and hopefully you grow. Wanna hear a new song? JOEY: Yeah. MONICA: We'd love too. PHOEBE: Okay. 'Jingle bitch screwed me over! Go to hell jingle whore! Go to hell Go to hell. Go to hell-hell-hell.' That's all I have so far. CHANDLER: Well hello! JOEY: Where have you been? CHANDLER: The doctor. ROSS: Is everything okay? CHANDLER: Oh yes! Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy. Yep! Two nipples, no waiting. MONICA: Wow! It's like Rachel in high school. RACHEL: What?! MONICA: Come on! Come on, I was kidding! It was such an obvious joke! CHANDLER: That was an obvious joke, and I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think of it? The source of all my powers. Oh dear God, what have I done!
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transcribed by Eric B Aasen
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