The One At The Beach (325)

written by Pan-ni Landrum & Mark J. Kunerth, Teleplay by: Adam Chase



Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out


Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding


Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach


Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II


Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Hundredth
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)


Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad


Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
CHANDLER: So ah, your first sexual experience was with a woman?!

BONNIE: All right, I was 15, it was my best friend, Ruth, and we got drunk on that hard cider, and then suddenly, I don't know, we were, we were making out.

CHANDLER: Tell it again. Seriously.


RACHEL: I mean is that woman capable of talking about anything else but sex?

JOEY: Yeah, sure. Well y'know, earlier she was talking about geography.

MONICA: Joey, she was listing the countries she's done it in.

JOEY: Well, I think we all learned something.


MONICA: Would you look at them. Am I ever gonna find a boyfriend again? I gonna die an old maid.

CHANDLER: You're not gonna die an old maid, maybe an old spinster cook.

MONICA: Thanks!

CHANDLER: Hey now besides, if worst comes to worst, I'll be your boyfriend.

MONICA: Yeah right.


MONICA: Oh, hey! Oh good, you brought food!

JOEY: No, it's just my luggage.


JOEY: Hey-hey, check out the hat!

CHANDLER: What a minute, I know that hat! I was taken aboard that hat! They did experiments on me! I can't have children!!

MONICA: Seriously, where did you get the hat?

RACHEL: Ross gave it to me.

ROSS: Yeah, I think she looks good.

RACHEL: Ohh, thank you.

CHANDLER: Buy it for ya, or win it for ya?

RACHEL: Well excuse me, my fashion-impaired friends, I am here to tell you that hats are back.

PHOEBE: And this time, they've ganged up to form one giant, super hat.


JOEY: Hey, y'know what a really good rainy day game is?

MONICA: What?!

JOEY: I mean naked game. Strip poker, we should totally play strip poker.

ALL: No, no!

MONICA: What are you crazy?!

JOEY: Come on! When you go away, you-you have to play, it's like a law!


PHOEBE: Oh, so, how are we doing?

CHANDLER: Bored and bored!

JOEY: Hey, you know what naked card game is never boring?

ALL: Noo!!!


MONICA: So what's Phoebe like?

PHOEBE: I'm kind, caring, and sweet. What's Monica like?

MONICA: Ah no, the other Phoebe, the one you went to go see.


PHOEBE: So, you're all bored?

ALL: Ohh!!

CHANDLER: Yes!

PHOEBE: All right, I'm gonna close my eyes and point to someone, and you, whoever I point has to come up with something fun for us to do, and we have to do it.

JOEY: Okay, all right.

PHOEBE: Okay.

JOEY: Fan out! Fan out!

PHOEBE: Okay. Ooh, y'know we could just do this.

CHANDLER: Okay, umm, we all have to play strip poker.

JOEY: OH YES!!!


MONICA: Strip Happy Days Game?

JOEY: Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so it was either this or Strip Bag Of Old Knitting Stuff.

ROSS: Okay, Fonzy gives you two thumbs up, collect two cool points. Yeah.

PHOEBE: Monica, if you get five cool points, you get to make somebody take off one item of clothing. It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very excited.

ROSS: Okay, come on! Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic microscopes for the Prehistoric Forensics Department! Okay. Take Pinky Tuscadero up to Inspiration Point, collect three cool points!! Yeah! Which gives me five, and let's see who is gonna lose their clothes. Ummmm, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor Mr. Joey Tribianni.

THE GIRLS: Woo-hooooo!!!!

JOEY: All right, relax. It's just a shoe.


RACHEL: Okay, your band is playing at Arnold's, collect three cool points. Which means, I have five, and that means I get Joey's boxers!

JOEY: Fine. Gang up on me! I got you all right where I want you.

PHOEBE: Come on, take 'em off!!

JOEY: Actually, y'know it's kinda cold, so how about I keep my boxers on, and give you all a peek at the good stuff?


PHOEBE: She cancelled! My namesake cancelled on me!

JOEY: What?!

PHOEBE: Yeah, she clamed she had to go out of town suddenly. She's avoiding me, she doesn't want to tell me where my Father is. She knows, and she won't tell me.

RACHEL: Aww Pheebs, that sucks!

PHOEBE: Yeah, well, don't "Aww Pheebs, that sucks!" me yet.

CHANDLER: Where ya going?

PHOEBE: Well, she's out of town so, there's gotta be something in her house that tells me where my Father is.

ROSS: Uh, Pheebs, some people call that breaking and entering.

PHOEBE: Well, are any of those people here?!

ALL: Oh, no!!! No, no!

PHOEBE: Okay, look I-I-I do something nice, okay? I'll-I'll fill her ice trays.


ROSS: I was having a little chat with ah, Bonnie, and ah, guess what, she-she happened to bring up y'know, who was behind the um, whole head shaving idea, and now, who was it? Oh, that's right, that's right, it was you!

RACHEL: That was her idea, I just gave her a nudge.

ROSS: She said you gave her the razor!


RACHEL: Come on see, she doesn't look that bad.

ROSS: You can see the moonlight bouncing off her head! What the hell were you thinking?!!

RACHEL: I don't know.

ROSS: You don't know?! Rach, you balded my girlfriend!


PHOEBE: No! No!! It's me! It's me! I-I didn't want to make any noise!

PHOEBE Sr: I saw you break in!!

PHOEBE: I'm sorry.

PHOEBE Sr: What are you doing here?!

PHOEBE: I-I, came to fill your ice cube trays.

PHOEBE Sr: What?!


PHOEBE: Umm, okay, okay, look. I took this picture from your fridge. Okay, because I know that this is my Father. Yeah, this is Frank Buffay and you are standing right there next to him. Now, look I deserve to know where I came from. All right? So if you can help me find my Father then you should! Otherwise, you're just mean! So, just tell me the truth!

PHOEBE Sr: All right, the man in the picture is Chuck Magioni.

PHOEBE: My Father is Chuck Magioni?

PHOEBE Sr: No, no, that's just Chuck Magioni, I-I sold him a house last year!


PHOEBE Sr: And I'm very sorry, but I don't know where your Father is, and that's the truth.

PHOEBE: Oh.

PHOEBE Sr: But umm, you're right. I think that a person should know where they come from. Wh-which is why I ah, ahh, okay. I'm your mother.


BONNIE: Hey!

CHANDLER: Ahhhh!

BONNIE: You guys, the water's great. You should really go in.

CHANDLER: Oh, ahh, no thanks, I just had an M&M.


JOEY: So let me get this straight. If you go with Bonnie tonight, you're doing the smart, healthy thing and moving on.

ROSS: Yeah.

JOEY: Right, and you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free tonight?




transcribed by Eric B Aasen

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