The One With The Ski Trip (317)

written by Scott Silveri & Shana Goldberg-Meehan

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
JOEY: Can I see the comics?

CHANDLER: This is the New York Times.

JOEY: Okay, may I see the comics?

PHOEBE: Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes, okay, when, when, at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug and then y'know you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow.

CHANDLER: Y'know what this is like? This is like when my parents got divorced. Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Cub Scouts.

PHOEBE: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together, they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone was happy...

JOEY: I had the same dream!

PHOEBE: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.

JOEY: Oh, I had the opposite dream.


MONICA: Let's get the show on it!

RACHEL: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.

MONICA: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and it's sooo close.

RACHEL: Closer than here?

PHOEBE: Chandler what are you doing?!

MONICA: Chandler!!!

CHANDLER: Oh my God!

JOEY: You're smoking again?!

CHANDLER: Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking again. Today, I'm, I'm smoking still.

RACHEL: Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?!

CHANDLER: Hey, shut up!!! You're not my real Mom!!!

JOEY: Hey, can you close that window Chandler? My nipples can cut glass over here!

ROSS: What's going on?

PHOEBE: Well, we were um, sorta invited to go skiing, y'know Rachel's sister's cabin.

ROSS: So, for the whole weekend?

MONICA: We're really sorry, but um, she did ask us first.

ROSS: Yeah, that's okay, I mean if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, y'know then I totally, totally understand.

PHOEBE: Y'know what, I can stay, I'm gonna stay. 'Cause the last time I went skiing I was to afraid to jump off the chair lift, I just went around and around.

JOEY: Uh, Pheebs we kinda need you to drive us all up there in your grandmother's cab, but y'know what, I'll stay.

MONICA: Noo! I'll stay. He's my brother.

ROSS: What a pity stay?

MONICA: No! We're gonna have fun. We can make fudge!

ROSS: Pity food? Y'know what that's okay, all right, I don't need any of you to stay, okay nobody stays.

CHANDLER: Well, then, I might as well offer to stay.

PHOEBE: Chandler!!!


PHOEBE: What does the sign say?

CHANDLER: Beam me up Jesus.

PHOEBE: No, the 'No Smoking' sign. There's no smoking in my Grandmother's cab.

CHANDLER: Okay, well, then, I-I have to go to the bathroom.

ALL: Oh!

PHOEBE: Please!

MONICA: No Chandler no! No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas.

CHANDLER: Oh, come on, there's a rest stop right up there! Come on, I really have to goooooooooo.

JOEY: Oh, now I have to go!!!

PHOEBE: Aren't you gonna go?

RACHEL: No. Thank you.

MONICA: No, Rachel never pees in public restrooms.

RACHEL: Well, they never have any paper in there y'know. So my rule is 'no tissue, no tuschy.' Well, if everybody's going.

PHOEBE: No, y'know what don't close it - 'cause the... keys... are in there.

CHANDLER: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no!!!

JOEY: What's going on?

CHANDLER: My lighter's in there!

CHANDLER: Damn! The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this!

JOEY: Relax okay, I-I-I can get this open. Anybody have a coat hanger?

CHANDLER: Oh I do! Op, no, wait a minute, I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning.

JOEY: Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy it. Oh hey, one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra!

MONICA: What?!

RACHEL: What?!

JOEY: Come on! Who has the biggest boobs?

MONICA: Please!!!

JOEY: Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the biggest bra, therefore has the biggest wire.

THE GIRLS: No, not getting my bra!

JOEY: If you wanna get back in the car, we need the wire, your call.

PHOEBE: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.

MONICA: These tiny, little non-breasts?! Please, it's gotta be Rachel.

RACHEL: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.

MONICA: All right then, your bra would still be big.

RACHEL: No, I stuff outside the bra.

CHANDLER: Ladies, ladies, let's just compromise okay? Phoebe, Rachel take off Monica's bra.

PHOEBE: Oh, no!

RACHEL: What, what's it, what's going on?

PHOEBE: Yeah, this has happened before.

RACHEL: So you know how to fix it?

PHOEBE: Yep. Put more gas in.

MONICA: So the going for help went well?

JOEY: Oh yeah, Smokey Joe here got half way to the highway and collapsed.

CHANDLER: I have the lung capacity of a two year old.

MONICA: Then why are you smoking?

CHANDLER: Well it's very unsettling.

PHOEBE: Listen Ross, we ran out of gas, and we don't know where we are, so we can't get a tow truck.

ROSS: Oh, now you want a favour?

PHOEBE: Yes, please.

ROSS: Well, oh, I'm sorry your car broke down Pheebs, but I'm a little too busy with some of my real friends right now, but please call to let me know you got home safely okay?

CAROL: Phoebe, hang on a second. Here, take my car, go pick up your friends.

ROSS: No, I'm not gonna pick them up.

CAROL: Listen, we both know you're gonna do it 'cause you're not a jerk. Okay? So you can either sulk here for a half hour and then go pick them up, or save us both time and sulk in the car.

CAROL: Look, I-I-I am sorry that Rachel dumped you 'cause she fell in love with that Mark guy, and you are the innocent victim in all of this, but don't punish your friends for what Rachel did to you.

ROSS: Yeah, you're right.

CAROL: Phoebe hang on a second Ross wants to say something. What? You slept with someone else?!

ROSS: We were on a break!!! Okay!!! We were, we were... yeah. Where are you? I'll find you.

CAROL: You slept with another woman?

ROSS: Oh, you-you're-you're one to talk.

JOEY: Okay, done.

MONICA: What's 'pleh'?

JOEY: That's 'help' spelled backwards so that the helicopters can read it from the air!

MONICA: Huh. What's doofus spelled backwards?

PHOEBE: You guys, what, what do we do about Ross who drove all the way up here? What do we do? Just like send him back and we're then gonna go skiing?

CHANDLER: Oh, this is horrible, it's just horrible.

JOEY: Guys, do you think we should ask Ross to come along?

MONICA: I know, what about Rachel? I mean how are we even gonna ask her?

RACHEL: Ask me what?

MONICA: Umm, if ah, it might be okay if Ross came skiing?

CHANDLER, PHOEBE, and JOEY: No, I wasn't gonna ask you that, no.

RACHEL: You guys are unbelievable. No! He cannot come.

ROSS: Excuse me?

CHANDLER: It's horrible.

ROSS: Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?

RACHEL: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.

ROSS: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts, my ski skills.

MONICA: Here we go again.

JOEY: I-I can't handle this, you guys.

CHANDLER: Y'know what, I can handle it, handle's my middle name. Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.

transcribed by Eric B Aasen