The One With The Fake Party (416)

written by Shana Goldberg-Meehan, Scott Silveri, Alicia Sky Varinaitis

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
MONICA: What is it hon?

PHOEBE: I-I can't find anything that I want to eat! Everything I eat makes me nauseous! I'm telling you, being pregnant is no piece of cake, ooh! Cake! No.

MONICA: Aww, honey I'm sorry.

PHOEBE: God! Ooh! What is that smell? It's coming from the bathroom. Ooh!

CHANDLER: Wow! Pregnancy does give you some weird cravings.

JOEY: Yeah?

PHOEBE: It's me. It's Phoebe. Listen there's something in here I want to eat, what-what smells so good?

JOEY: Is it the shampoo? It's guava.


JOEY: Oh! Wait-wait! Is it my bologna sandwich?

PHOEBE: Yes. Yes. Yes. I can't believe it! The baby wants bologna! Maybe he wants me to eat meat? I can't eat meat!

JOEY: Oh, wait-wait! Maybe it's a pickle?!

JOEY: Hey, what have you guys been up too?

ROSS: Oh, we went to see a collection of Victorian doorknobs and the Cupert-Hewitt museum.

CHANDLER: Without me?!

JOEY: Wow! You guys seem to be having a good time.

ROSS: Oh yeah, she's-she's amazing. And-and she's so much fun. And! Y'know what? When I'm with her, I'm fun! I even signed up for helicopter classes. (Chandler is shocked.) She's leaving in two days, I don't have to do it.

MONICA: Oh no, two days, you must be bummed.

ROSS: Yeah, she's got to go back to London. But you know what? I've been prepared for this from the start. We both knew we had two weeks together, and that's it. Y'know.

JOEY: Hey that's what all my relationships are like.

CHANDLER: Yes, but in Ross's case, they both know in two weeks that's it.

ROSS: Hello! Hello!

PHOEBE: Yes! I know! I know! Yeah! So the baby is totally craving meat. This afternoon I tried tricking it, I made it a soy-burger to make it think it was getting meat, y'know? And I got nauseous.

CHANDLER: Maybe that's because soy-burgers suck!

PHOEBE: Being pregnant is tough on your tummy.

JOEY: Hey, but at least you got that cool, pregnant lady glow.

PHOEBE: That's sweat. You throw up all morning, you'll have that glow too.

RACHEL: Ohh, God! Look at him, he's so cute. I wanna go over there, grab him, and kiss him! How can I kiss him and not letting him know that I like him?

JOEY: Oh! I know how you can get him, take off your bra.


JOEY: There was a scene in Footloose...

CHANDLER: Flashdance.

JOEY: Yeah-yeah, yeah, with that-that uh, plumber girl...

CHANDLER: She was a welder.

JOEY: What? Were you like in the movie, or, Anyway, she takes off her bra under her shirt and pulls it out the sleeve. Very sexy, and classy.

MONICA: Or if you want to kiss him, umm, you could use mistletoe.

RACHEL: It's not Christmas!

MONICA: Or Spin the Bottle?

RACHEL: He's not 11!

JOEY: Feel better now?

PHOEBE: Yeah, but at what cost? Six more months, three meals a day, I'm gonna eat like, y'know millions of cows.

JOEY: Hey, what if I said, I could even things out for ya, meatwise.


JOEY: Well, I eat a lot of meat right?


JOEY: Well, suppose until the baby's born I laid off it. No extra animals would die, you-you'd just be eating my animals.

PHOEBE: Joey, I can't believe you would do that for me.

JOEY: Absolutely! I could be a vegetarian. There's no meat in beer, right?

Gunther: Rachel is my girlfriend.

ROSS: What photo album was it?

RACHEL: I don't know, it was you and a bunch of albino kids.

ROSS: Oh my God! Those weren't albino kids, that was computer camp!

JOEY: Oooh, what you got there?

PHOEBE: Pastrami.

JOEY: Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Hey! Y'know what goes good with that?

JOEY: Hm-mm, corn beef.

JOEY: Ooh, I was gonna say bologna, but that's much better. How about a little of that smoked turkey?


JOEY: Oh mama! Uh when-when is the baby due?

PHOEBE: Six months.

JOEY: Ugh. Now if a cow should die of natural causes, I can have one of those right?

PHOEBE: Not if I get there first.

transcribed by Eric Aasen