The One With The Chickenpox (223)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
RICHARD: Monica... Hey Mon, I have a question. Is Leroy the baddest man in the whole damn town or the fattest man in the whole damn town? MONICA: Baddest. Otherwise the song would be Fat Fat Leroy Brown. RICHARD: Are you remaking the bed? MONICA: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know what, the way you did it was just fine. RICHARD: Then, you're redoing it because... MONICA: If I tell you, you'll think I'm crazy. RICHARD: You're pretty much running that risk either way. MONICA: Ok, you see, the tag shouldn't be at the top left corner, it should be at the bottom right corner. RICHARD: Oh, well that's not so crazy. MONICA: I'm just easing you in. RICHARD: Oh, alright. MONICA: Alright, you see these little flower blossoms? They should be facing up, not down, because, well, the head of the bed is where the sun would be. You don't love me any more do you. RICHARD: Actually, if it's possible, I love you more. MONICA: Really? Wow, well then come on, I wanna show you how to fold the toilet paper into a point. CHANDLER: Hey, look Joey, I'm just saying if you need something to hold you over, I can get you a job right here as an entry level processor. JOEY: But don't you need experience for a job like that? CHANDLER: It's not that hard to learn. And as for people realizing you have no idea what you're doing, hey, you're an actor. Act like a processor, people will think you're a processor. SCOTT: Hey Chandler, here's this morning's projections. CHANDLER: Hey thanks. Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbianni. Joey is a uh, fellow processor. SCOTT: No kidding. JOEY: Oh yeah yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call. SCOTT: Where do you work? JOEY: Uhh, well, right now I'm in between things. You know how it is. One day you're processing, the next day you're not so much... processing any more. PHOEBE: Hey Ryan, what's up? RYAN: What's goin' on? PHOEBE: Well, no no, you have to stay back. I, I have the pox. RYAN: Chicken or small? PHOEBE: Chicken. Which is so ironic considering I'm a vegetarian. RYAN: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid and rub him all over my face. PHOEBE: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now. PHOEBE: I hate this. 'Cause I tell you, I had the most amazing two weeks planned for us, and almost everything I had in mind, we had to be a lot closer than this. RYAN: Phoebe, I have spent the last eight months in a steel tube with men, thinking about this moment. I am not gonna let a bunch of itchy spots stand between us. PHOEBE: Ok, this is the most romantic disease I've ever had. CHANDLER: Hey, how's the first day goin'? JOEY: Pretty good. It's like you said. It's mostly just putting numbers from one column into another column. CHANDLER: Well there you go. JOEY: Hey and everbody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie. CHANDLER: Jeannie, the head of east coast operations Jeannie? JOEY: Yeah, turns out our kids go to the same school. Small world huh? CHANDLER: Weird world. Your kids? JOEY: I figure my character has kids. CHANDLER: Ya know there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained. JOEY: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does. CHANDLER: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes. JOEY: Yeah. Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid... Ya know what? Just did. CHANDLER: Really? Wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there. JOEY: You and Milton have to join us on the boat. Karen'll pack a lunch, you'll bring the kids, we'll make a day of it. JEANNIE: Oh, that sounds lovely. We're gonna have to set that up. Oh, I better get back. Hope the baby feels better. JOEY: Oh, thanks, thanks. Bye bye Jeannie. JEANNIE: Bye bye Joey. JOEY: What a phony. CHANDLER: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing. MR. DOUGLAS: Uh, listen Bing, I received your memo. So, we're not gonna receive the systems report until next Friday? CHANDLER: Well the people in my group wanna spend the holiday weekend with their families. MR. DOUGLAS: I have a family, I'm gonna be here. JOEY: Yeah Bing, what's that about? CHANDLER: It's about cutting my people a little slack, ya know, for morale. Look, if you wanna see some rough numbers, I can get them to you by Wednesday. MR. DOUGLAS: Rough numbers? JOEY: This company was not built on rough numbers. Am I right Mr. Douglas. MR. DOUGLAS: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday. CHANDLER: Uh, if you say so sir. JOEY: Joseph's good, isn't he? CHANDLER: Well, I'm going to kill you. JOEY: Hey, hey, I just figure Joseph's the kinda guy that likes to mix it up. Ya know, get in there, ruffle some feathers. CHANDLER: Why? JOEY: Look, I'm sorry but that's what Joseph does, ok. If you try to pull somethin', he'll call you on it. 'What're you tryin' to pull,' he'll say. RICHARD: You know, I like the way you have efficiently folded this tab under. See in a tape emergency you could shave valuable seconds off your time. MONICA: Exactly. Oh, I love that I can be totally neurotic around you now. Tell me the truth. Don't you like it better now that everything on your desk is perpendicular? RICHARD: If it's not a right angle, it is a wrong angle. MONICA: You know what. Tomorrow I'm gonna do your clocks. RICHARD: You're gonna do what to my clocks. MONICA: I'm gonna set them to my time. RICHARD: Well, I'm confused. I thought we shared time. MONICA: No no. See, in my bedroom I set my clock six minutes fast. You wanna know why? RICHARD: Because it's in a slightly different time zone than the kitchen. MONICA: No. You don't have any of these cute little obsessive things. RICHARD: No that's not true. That is not true. MONICA: Oh yeah. RICHARD: Yeah. MONICA: Alright, well tell me one of yours. RICHARD: Ok. Ahh. One of my things is, I always separate my sweat socks from my dress socks. MONICA: What if they get mixed up? RICHARD: Boy I would just uh, I would freak out. MONICA: You would not. I can't believe this. I hate this, you're too normal. I can't believe my boyfriend doesn't have a thing. My boyfriend doesn't have a thing. RICHARD: See, if anyone overheard that, I didn't come off well. JOEY: Hey. Mr. Douglas is looking for you. CHANDLER: Why? Wh- wh- why is Mr. Douglas looking for me? JOEY: 'Cause he has a strong suspicion that you dropped the ball on the Lender project. CHANDLER: Wha- wh- why, why, why does he suspect that? JOEY: Becasue at first he thought it was Joseph. But after he asked Joseph about it, turns out it was you. Anyway, I just thought you should know. CHANDLER: Alright, that's it. Look Joey, I'm sorry, I realize this is the role of a lifetime for ya, and if I could just fire Joseph, I would, but unfortunately that's not possible so I'm gonna have to let both of you go. JOEY: What're you talking about, everybody loves Joseph. CHANDLER: I don't, I hate Joseph, ok. I think he's a brown-nosing suck up. JOEY: Oh yeah. Well you can't fire Joseph. You know why, 'cause he's not in your department. CHANDLER: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep with his wife. JOEY: Karen. CHANDLER: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you know what? I just did. JOEY: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man. CHANDLER: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah the rogue processor who seduces his co-worker's wives for sport and then laughs about it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there in my drawer. JOEY: Really? CHANDLER: No freakshow, she's fictional. JOEY: Take it easy. If it means that much to you, I'll uh, I'll go find something else. CHANDLER: Thank you. JOEY: It's just that, I, I'm gonna miss Joseph. I liked him. His wife, she was hot. RICHARD: Monica, wake up. Monica. MONICA: What's up? RICHARD: I thought of a thing. MONICA: Yeah? RICHARD: Yeah. I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed. MONICA: No honey. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed. RICHARD: Or so I would have you believe. MONICA: No. Big deal, so you have a side of the bed, everybody has a side of the bed. RICHARD: Hey come on, you haven't heard my reason yet. MONICA: Alright, go on. RICHARD: Ok, I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side. MONICA: Oh my God, you're a freak. RICHARD: Yeah. How 'bout that. RACHEL: So uh, Ryan, where're you shipping off to? RYAN: I really can't say. ROSS: So do you have like any nuclear weapons on board? RYAN: I can't say. RACHEL: Well do you get to look through one of those like, those periscope thingies. RYAN: I'm sorry, but I can't say. ROSS: Wow, it, it's neat learning about submarines.
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transcribed by Joshua Hodge
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