The One Where No-One's Ready (302)

written by Ira Ungerleider

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
JOEY: All right they got water, orange juice, and what looks like cider.

CHANDLER: Taste it.

JOEY: Yep, it's fat. I drank fat!

CHANDLER: Yeah, I know, I did that two minutes ago.

JOEY: What's a matter Ross? What you're nervous about your speech?

ROSS: No! Do you wanna hear it?

JOEY: Am I in it?

ROSS: Uh, huh. Yeah, right after I thank everyone for giving money to the museum, I sing a song about the wonder that is Joey.


JOEY: What?

CHANDLER: You're in my seat.

JOEY: How is this your seat?

CHANDLER: 'Cause I was sitting there.

JOEY: But then you left.

CHANDLER: Well, it's not like I went to Spain. I went to the bathroom, you knew I was coming back.

JOEY: What's the big deal, sit somewhere else.

CHANDLER: The big deal is I was sitting there last, so, that's my seat.

JOEY: Well, actually the last place you were sitting was in there [bathroom]. Soo...

MONICA: Has somebody been drinking my fat?

MONICA: "Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in 'cause I got this message from you and I didn't know if it was old or new or what. So, I'm just checkin'. So let me know, or don't, whatever. I'm breezy."

JOEY: Hey, you can't say you're breezy, that, that totally negates the breezy.

WOMAN'S VOICE: Ola, it's me, yesterday was really fun. Call me about this weekend, okay.

JOEY: Now she sounded breezy.

CHANDLER: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Mim, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"

JOEY: Okay.

CHANDLER: What are you doing?

JOEY: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions.

CHANDLER: The cushions are the essence of the chair!

JOEY: That's right! I'm taking the essence.

ROSS: Look, I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.

RACHEL: Ross, that was a Halloween costume, unless you would like me to go to this thing as Little Bo Peep.

ROSS: Look, I didn't recognize it without that inflatable sheep.

RACHEL: Yeah, which, by the way Chandler, I would like back one of these days.

JOEY: Where's my underwear?!

ROSS: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on, come on, what. You took his underwear?

CHANDLER: He took my essence!

ROSS: Okay, now hold on. Joey, why, why can't you just wear the underwear you're wearing now?

JOEY: Because, I'm not wearing any underwear now.

ROSS: Okay, then why do you have to wear underwear tonight?

JOEY: It's a rented tux. Okay. I'm not gonna go commando in another man's fatigues.

CHANDLER: Well, then it looks like somebody is gonna have to give back somebody his cushions.

JOEY: Okay, you hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.

CHANDLER: What are you, what are you gonna *show* me my clothes?

JOEY: Hey, opposite, is opposite!

CHANDLER: You know what's weird. Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always put a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

JOEY: Okay, buddy-boy. Here it is. You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.

CHANDLER: Oh my God! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!!!

JOEY: Look at me! I'm Chandler! Could I be wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't going commando...

CHANDLER: Oooo-ooh!

JOEY: Yeah. Whew, it's hot with all of this stuff on. I ah, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.

ROSS: You know what I don't care. The only person I cared about getting dressed, is the one person that says she's not even gonna go. Look Rach, I'm sorry. Okay. Look, I-I wa, I was a jerk. I'm sorry I yelled. I want you there, I need you there. Look, what, what can I do that can show you how much, how much I want you to be there.

JOEY: You could drink the fat.

ROSS: Hi, welcome, to an adult conversation.

RACHEL: No, no, no, now wait, wa, wa, waa-it a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. That actually, uh, that sounds interesting.

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I think you should drink the fat.

JOEY: Yaaaay!

ROSS: Okay, okay. If that is what it takes to show you how much you mean to me, and how much I want you there. Then that's what I'll do.

PHOEBE: Oh, wait, let me get you another glass. That's been sitting out.

ROSS: I think this will be fine. Okay, vanilla milkshake, just a vanilla milkshake, with chicken bits floating in it. Cheers.

RACHEL: No, no, no, wait! Okay, okay. Don't! I'll go, I'll go!

ROSS: You will?!

RACHEL: You were really gonna do that, weren't you?

ROSS: Well, yeah.

RACHEL: You were gonna drink the fat.

JOEY: Let's see what else he'll do!

ROSS: How 'bout instead you go get changed! You, give him back his underwear! I'm gonna go get a cab, and I want everyone down stairs in two minutes! Monica!

ROSS: Rachel!! Wow! You, uh, you look, wow!

RACHEL: And I still have about five seconds to spare. Okay, that was about seven seconds.

ROSS: So we're a little late.

RACHEL: Come on. Oh! And, uh, by the way...

ROSS: What?

RACHEL: I'm going commando, too.

ROSS: Awwww!!!

SHERMAN WHITFIELD: Dr. Geller, Sherman Whitfield, London Institute.

ROSS: Wow! What a pleasure.

WHITFIELD: Well, I have to tell you, I was quite impressed with your paper on Pre-Cretaceous fossils. Yeah, it confirmed everything that I have written.

CHANDLER: Excuse me. Hi.


CHANDLER: Well, your kind of sitting in my seat.

WHITFIELD: What do you mean, your seat?

CHANDLER: I mean, I was sitting there.

WHITFIELD: But, you got up!

CHANDLER: But, I never left the room!

WHITFIELD: But, you left the chair area.

CHANDLER: All right, that's it, give me your underwear.

transcribed by Eric B Aasen