The One With The Dozen Lasagnes (112)

written by Jeffrey Astrof & Mike Sikowitz and Adam Chase & Ira Ungerleider

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
MONICA: Stop yelling! All I'm saying is that if you had told me vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna. Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.

JOEY: Ross, did you really read all these baby books?

ROSS: Yup! You could plunk me down in the middle of any woman's uterus, no compass, and I can find my way out of there like that!

PHOEBE: Ooh, this is says in some parts of the world, people actually eat the placenta.

CHANDLER: And, we're done with the yogurt.

PHOEBE: Sorry.

JOEY: Hey Ross, listen, you know that right now, your baby's only this big? This is your baby. Hi Daddy!

ROSS: Hello!

JOEY: How come you don't live with Mommy? How come Mommy lives with that other lady? What's a lesbian?

ROSS: Wasn't this supposed to be just a fling, huh? Shouldn't it be... flung by now?

ROSS: Hey, when did you and Susan meet Huey Lewis?

CAROL: Uh, that's our friend Tanya.

ROSS: Of course it's your friend Tanya.

CAROL: Don't you want to know about the sex?

ROSS: The sex? Um, I'm having enough trouble with the image of you and Susan together, when you throw in Tanya, yaw...

CAROL: The sex of the baby, Ross.

CHANDLER: Ok, so it's just because it was my table, I have to buy a new one?

JOEY: That's the rule.

CHANDLER: What rule? There's no rule, if anything, you owe me a table!

JOEY: How'd you get to that?

CHANDLER: Well, I believe the piece of furniture was fine until your little breakfast adventure with Angela Delvecchio

JOEY: You knew about that?

CHANDLER: Well, let's just say the impressions you made in the butter left little to the imagination.

MONICA: Carol called me to thank me for the lasagna, I asked, she told me.

JOEY: So what's it gonna be?

ROSS: Wait - oh - hey - huh, oh great now he knows, and I don't know!

MONICA: I'm sorry, I'm just excited about being an aunt!

JOEY: Or an uncle...

PHOEBE: He made a move on me.

JOEY & CHANDLER: Oooohhh...

ROSS: My God!

MONICA: Are you sure?

PHOEBE: Oh yeah, I'm sure. And all of a sudden his hands weren't the problem anymore.

MONICA: Was it...?

PHOEBE: Oh, boy scouts could have camped under there.

GUYS: Oooooo...

RACHEL: "Ooo", what?

PHOEBE: Uma Thurman.

PHOEBE: Ok, um, we haven't known each other for that long a time, and, um, there are three things that you should know about me. One, my friends are the most important thing in my life, two, I never lie, and three, I make the best oatmeal raisin cookies in the world.

RACHEL: Ok, thanks Pheebs. Oh my God,

PHOEBE: I know.

RACHEL: Why have I never tasted these before?

PHOEBE: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the other cookies.

RACHEL: All right, well, you're right, these are the best oatmeal cookies I've ever had.

PHOEBE: Which proves that I never lie.

CHANDLER: What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy, it's time for you to swoop in!

ROSS: What, now?

JOEY: Yes, now is when you swoop! You gotta make sure that when Paolo walks out of there, the first guy Rachel sees is you, She's gotta know that you're everything he's not! You're like, like the anti-Paolo!

CHANDLER: My Catholic friend is right. She's distraught. You're there for her. You pick up the pieces, and then you usher in the age of Ross!

PHOEBE: Oh, just look at her...

ROSS: Oh you guys, I-I really think just one of us should go out there so she's not overwhelmed...

MONICA: Oh, you're right.

ROSS: ...and I really think it should be me.

JOEY & CHANDLER: What is it?

ROSS: I'm having a boy! I-I'm having a boy!

JOEY: Hey!


JOEY & CHANDLER: We already knew that!

ROSS: I'm having a son.

transcribed by Steve Clemson