The One With The 'Cuffs (403)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
Joey: Hey!!! We are so in luck! Treeger said that we could have all this cool stuff from the basement. Wait right there. CHANDLER: Wow! Really?! We get all this rusty crap for free?! JOEY: Uh-huh. This and a bunch of bubble wrap. And, some of it is not even popped! MRS. GELLER: What's this? Blue nail polish? MONICA: Yeah, I thought it was cute. MRS. GELLER: Ahh, that's what your Grandmother's hands looked like when we found her. THE SALESMAN: Good afternoon, are you the decision maker of the house? JOEY: Uhhhh. THE SALESMAN: Do you ah, currently own a set of encyclopedias? JOEY: No! No. But ah, try the classifieds, people sell everything in there. THE SALESMAN: Actually, I'm not buying. I'm selling. Let me ask you one question. Do your friends ever have a conversation and you just nod along even though you're not really sure what they're talking about? MONICA: Then why are you laughing? MRS. GELLER: It's nothing, it's just that now your Father owes me five dollars. MONICA: What? You bet I'd lose a nail? MRS. GELLER: Oh no, don't be silly. I just bet I'd need these. MONICA: Frozen lasagnas? MRS. GELLER: Um-hmm. MONICA: You bet that I'd screw up?! So all that stuff about hiring me because I was good was. MRS. GELLER: No-no-no, that was all true. This was just in case you pulled a Monica. MONICA: You promised Dr. Weinburg, you'd never use that phrase. MRS. GELLER: Oh honey, come on, have a sense of humour, you've never been able to laugh at yourself. MONICA: That's right. My Mom doesn't have any faith in me! Oh, that's hilarious! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. PHOEBE: I don't get it. MRS. GELLER: No, I have faith. MONICA: No! You have lasagnas! Oven: Ding! PHOEBE: The ruined quiches are ready. RACHEL: What?! CHANDLER: Rachel, could I see you for a moment? CHANDLER: Okay, here's the situation. The keys to the cuffs are on the back of the door. Could you be a doll and grab them and scoot on over and unlock me? And on a totally different subject, that is a lovely pantsuit. RACHEL: You promised you would break up with her! CHANDLER: I did break up with her! She just took it really, really well! RACHEL: And the fact that you were jeopardising my career never entered your mind?! CHANDLER: It did enter my mind! But then something happened that made it, shoot right out. RACHEL: Y'know what Chandler, you got yourself into those cuffs, you get yourself out of them. CHANDLER: No-no-no-no-no-no-no!! I can't get myself right out of them! You must have me confused with the Amazing Chandler!!! Come on, you have to unlock me, she could be gone for hours, and I'm cold, and... RACHEL: Oh, Chandler!!! All right, this is it! You never see Joanna again! CHANDLER: Never! RACHEL: You never come into this office again! CHANDLER: Fine! RACHEL: You give me back my Walkman! CHANDLER: I never borrowed your Walkman. RACHEL: Well, then I lost it. You buy me one! CHANDLER: You got it! Here we go! Come on! This is great! Ahhh! RACHEL: Does it hurt? CHANDLER: No, I just always see guys doing this when they get handcuffs taken off them. THE SALESMAN: So, here's somebody interesting, Joey. What do you know about Van Gogh? JOEY: He cut off his ear. THE SALESMAN: And? JOEY: I'm out. THE SALESMAN: He painted that. JOEY: Wow! That's pretty nice. I thought he cut off his ear 'cause he sucked. What else you got in there? THE SALESMAN: Let's see, ahhh Where does the Pope live? JOEY: In the woods. No wait-wait, that's the joke answer. THE SALESMAN: Actually its, Vatican City. Now ahh, what do you know about vulcanised rubber? JOEY: Spock's birth control. THE SALESMAN: You need these books. RACHEL: Chandler! Chandler, please, I have to get you locked up back the way you were, I am sooo gonna lose my job, she's very private about her office. Now I know why. CHANDLER: Hey, look, you're in trouble either way! Okay? If she comes back and sees me locked to this instead of the chair, she's gonna know you were in here. So you might as well just let me go. RACHEL: What if I clean your bathroom for a month? CHANDLER: It still wouldn't be clean. All I want is my freedom. RACHEL: Foot rubs for a month! CHANDLER: Freedom! RACHEL: I'll take all of your photos and put them into photo albums! CHANDLER: Freedom! I want my freedom! Why won't you hear me?! THE SALESMAN: So, what do you say, Joey? You get the whole set of encyclopedias for twelve hundred dollars, which works out to just 50 bucks a book! JOEY: Twelve hundred dollars? You think I have $1200? I'm home in the middle of the day, and I got patio furniture in my living room. I guess there's a few things you don't get from book learnin'. THE SALESMAN: Well ah, what can you swing? JOEY: How about zero down and zero a month for a long, long time? THE SALESMAN: You don't have, anything? JOEY: You wanna see what I got? Okay? I've got a baby Tootsie Roll, a movie stub, keys, a Kleenex, a rock, and an army man. Hey! THE SALESMAN: Okay, I-I get the picture. Uh, thanks, for your time. JOEY: And a 50. Huh, these must be Chandler's pants. THE SALESMAN: For 50 bucks, you can get one book! What will it be? A? B? C? JOEY: Oh, I-I think I'm gonna stick with the V, I wanna see how this bad boy turns out. RACHEL: I ah, will buy and wrap all of your Christmas gifts. CHANDLER: No! RACHEL: I ah Oh! I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning! CHANDLER: With extra pulp? RACHEL: Yeah!! CHANDLER: No! RACHEL: D'oh!! I've got it! CHANDLER: You don't have it. RACHEL: I have so got it. There's gonna be rumours about this, there's no way to stop it. Sophie knows, Monica and Phoebe know. CHANDLER: How do Monica and Phoebe know? RACHEL: Oh, I called them. And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous or very stingy. CHANDLER: Go on. RACHEL: I can make you a legend. I can make you this generation's Milton Berle. CHANDLER: And Milton Berle has a RACHEL: Ohh, not compared to you. MONICA: Well? PHOEBE: They're not even touching the lasagna! MONICA: Really?! PHOEBE: Oh, they love your casserole. MONICA: Yes!!! PHOEBE: It's hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients. MRS. GELLER: Well, everyone seems to be enjoying your dish. MONICA: And you? MRS. GELLER: I thought it was quite tasty. MONICA: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success. Which would make you... MRS. GELLER: A bitch? MONICA: Well, I was going for wrong, but we can use your word. RACHEL: So did you break up with Joanna? CHANDLER: I think so. JOEY: Well, it's good thing you got out when you did, before she blew up like that Vesuvius. ROSS: The volcano? JOEY: Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man are they a violent igneous rock formation. RACHEL: What?! JOEY: Oh yeah, lava spewing, hot ash, of course some are dormant. MONICA: Why are you talking about volcanoes all of the sudden? JOEY: Well, we can talk about something else. What do you want to talk about? Vivisection? The Vasdeferens? The Vietnam War? MONICA: Oh! Did anybody see that-that documentary on the Korean War?
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transcribed by Eric Aasen, Darcy Partridge
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