The One With All The Haste (419)

written by Wil Calhoun & Scott Silveri

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
RACHEL: I hate this apartment! I hate the color of these walls! I hate the fact that this place still smells like bird! I hate that singing guy!

JOEY: Are you kidding? I love that guy! Morning's here! Morning is here-

RACHEL: Stop it! I will kill you. I hate the fact that my room is so small.

MONICA: Hey, I have all the space I need. Just do what I did.

RACHEL: Monica, you don't even have a bed, you sleep in a ball on the floor!

MONICA: Y'know what? I am really tired of your bellyaching! Okay, I-I worked really hard at making this a nice place for us to live!

RACHEL: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.


JOEY: See, this is a great apartment.

MONICA: Shut up! This place is a hole!

ROSS: I could ask her to live with me!

CHANDLER: Are you serious?

ROSS: I mean, why not! I mean, I mean why not?!

CHANDLER: Because you've only known her for six weeks! Okay, I've got a carton of milk in my fridge I've had a longer relationship with!

JOEY: Wait-wait-wait-wait! Come on! Come on, let's trade! The timing's perfect, I just clogged the toilet!

CHANDLER: Look, I want those basketball seats as much as you do! Okay, but we can't leave in the small apartment after we've lived here! Didn't you ever read Flowers for Algernon?

JOEY: Yes! Didn't you ever read Sports Illustrated?! No! I didn't read yours! But come on, we can go to the game tonight!

CHANDLER: Look, the only way I will even consider this is if they offer a lot more than just season seats.

JOEY: It's the Knicks!

CHANDLER: Screw the Knicks!

JOEY: Whoa!

PHOEBE: Hey, so? Are you gonna do it?

CHANDLER: No. No. We're not gonna do that, y'know why? Because its not an even trade.

RACHEL: All right, okay, look, what if you could keep the apartment and get the tickets?

JOEY: Done!

RACHEL: Let me finish.


JOEY: What's the game?! What's the game?!

PHOEBE: Oh, well, it doesn't have a name-oh, okay, Phoebeball! No, it doesn't have a name. Umm, okay, Monica, what is your favourite thing about trees?

MONICA: They're green?

PHOEBE: Good! Good! Five points! All right, Joey, same question.

JOEY: Uhh, they're tall.

PHOEBE: Ooh, three points. Both fine answers, but we were looking for leafy, leafy.

MONICA: That's not even a game!

RACHEL: What? Shut up! We're winning!

MONICA: You wanna finish this right now? All right, we get a deck of cards, high card wins. What do you say?

CHANDLER: Fine, let's do it.

PHOEBE: Oh, I have cards!


MONICA: Oh, good.

PHOEBE: Yeah! Here! Oh no, these are the trick deck. Okay. Here yes. Okay.

CHANDLER: Okay, you guys uh, you guys pick first


MONICA: Okay. Four.

CHANDLER: That's a low one!

JOEY: Yeah! Okay. Phoebe, you look, I can't.

PHOEBE: What make you think I can?!

JOEY: Okay. Okay. Ace!

CHANDLER: Why are you screaming and hugging?

MONICA: Because we won our apartment back!

JOEY: What? Ace is high! Jack, queen, king, ace!

MONICA: No! Ace is low! Ace, two, three, four!

RACHEL: All right, cut, let's pick again, pick again.

JOEY: Okay.

RACHEL: Come on apartment! Come on apartment! Oh! I know queen is high!

JOEY: Uh-huh, not as high as...It worked! King!

CHANDLER: Yeah baby!

MONICA: But, we pick again! We pick again!

JOEY: Why?!

MONICA: I don't know!

CHANDLER: Tickets please! That's courtside baby!

JOEY: Seriously, good game though. Good game. What are they so mad about? They get the apartment back!

CHANDLER: No they didn't!

CHANDLER: Oh. Oh, God!

JOEY: Hey, want a beer? WHOA!!!!


CHANDLER: Open up! Open up! Open up!

MONICA: We'll discuss it, in the morning!

CHANDLER: What the hell is going on?!

RACHEL: We took our apartment back!!!

PHOEBE: I had nothing to do with it. Okay, it was my idea, but I don't feel good about it.

CHANDLER: We are switching back, right now!

MONICA: No, we're not! We're not leaving!

CHANDLER: Well, you're gonna have to leave sometime, because you both have jobs, and as soon as you do, we're switching it back! There's nothing you can do to stop us! Right, Joe?

JOEY: I don't know.


JOEY: I don't want to move again!

CHANDLER: I don't care, this is our apartment! And they stole-you stole it-our apartment, and we won that apartment fair and square, twice! And I am getting it back right now. I'm getting back right now!

RACHEL: All right. We figured you might respond this way, so we have a backup offer.

CHANDLER: Oh no-no-no, no more offers. You can't offer anything to us!

RACHEL: Let us keep the apartment and...

MONICA: As a thank you, Rachel and I will kiss for one minute.

CHANDLER: Totally worth it!

JOEY: That was one good minute!

transcribed by Eric Aasen