The One Where Ross Finds Out (207)

written by Michael Borkow

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
CHANDLER: OK, what is it about me? Do I not look fun enough? Is there something... repellant... about me?

RACHEL: So, how was the party.

CHANDLER: Well it couldn't have been worse, a woman literally passed through me. OK, so what is it, am I hideously unattractive.

PHOEBE: No, you are not, you are very attractive. You know what, I go through the exact same thing. Every time I put on a little weight, I start questioning everyting.

CHANDLER: Woah, woah, I've put on a little wieght?

PHOEBE: No, not wieght, ya know, more like insulation.

MONICA: Chandler, I'm unemployed and in dire need of a project. Ya wanna work out? I can remake you.

CHANDLER: Oh, you know, I would but that might get in the way of my lying around time.

MONICA: Please.

ALL: C'mon. Let her. Yeah.

CHANDLER: Alright, OK, alright. But if we put on spandex and my boobs are bigger than yours, I'm goin, home.

PHOEBE: Your boobs are fine. Look, I never should have said anything. Come here. Come here. Oh, can't make hands meet.

MONICA: C'mon give me five more. Five more.


MONICA: Five more and I'll flash you.

CHANDLER: One... Two... Two and a half. OK, just show me one of them.

JOEY: Maybe he, uhh, drives his car on the other side of the road, if ya know what I mean.

PHOEBE: No, whad'ya mean. He's not British.

JOEY: Maybe he's... gay.

PHOEBE: Oohh, um, no I don't think that's the problem. 'Cause we went, um, dancing the other night and the way he held me so close and the way he was looking into my eyes I just like, definitely felt something.

RACHEL: Yeah, but how much can you tell from a look?

PHOEBE: No, I felt it on my hip, you could tell.

JOEY: Woah, woah, woah, you have a date?

RACHEL: Yeah, Monica's settin' me up.

JOEY: But uh, uh, what about uh, Ross and uh...

RACHEL: Oh what, my whole insane jealousy thing? Well, ya know, as much fun as that was, I've decided to opt for sanity.

CHANDLER: So you really OK about all this?

RACHEL: Oh yeah, c'mon, I'm movin' on, he can press her up against that window as much as he wants. For all I care, he can throw her through the damn thing.

JOEY: You're getting a cat?

ROSS: Uh, actually, we're getting a cat.

RACHEL: Together?

ROSS: Uh huh.

RACHEL: Both of you?

ROSS: Yep.

RACHEL: Together.

JULIE: Yeah we figure it'll live with Ross half the time and with me half the time.

RACHEL: Ohh, well, isn't that just lovely. That's something the two of you will be able to enjoy for a really, really, really, really, really long time.

MICHAEL: I don't know if Monica told you but this is the first date I've gone on since my divorce so, if I seem a little nervous, I am.

RACHEL: How long do cats live?

MICHAEL: I'm sorry?

RACHEL: Cats, how long do they live figuring you don't, you know, throw 'em under a bus or something?

MICHAEL: Um, maybe 15, 16 years.

RACHEL: That's just great.

MICHAEL: Monica told you I was cuter than this, didn't she?

RACHEL: Oh, no, Michael, it's not you. I'm sorry, it's just, it's this thing. It's probably not as bad as it sounds but this friend of mine is, is getting a cat with his girlfriend.

MICHAEL: Oh, that does sound... Ahh.

RACHEL: I mean he just started going out with her.

MICHAEL: Is this guy, uhh, an old boyfriend?

RACHEL: Ah, hah-hah-hah-ho, yeah, he wishes. Oh, I'm sorry, look at me. OK, Michael, let's talk about you.

MICHAEL: Alright.

RACHEL: OK, OK. So, you ever get a pet with a girlfriend?

PHOEBE: So, I figured it out.

JOEY: What?

PHOEBE: Why Scott doesn't want to sleep with me. It's 'cause I'm not sexy enough.

JOEY: Phoebe, that's crazy. When I first met you, you know what I said to Chandler? I said, "Excellent butt, great rack."

PHOEBE: Really? That's so sweet. I mean, I'm officially offended but, sweet.

RACHEL: I mean, it's a cat, ya know, it's a cat. Why can't they get one of those bugs, ya know, one of those fruitflys, those things that live for like a day or something? What're they called, what're they called, what're they called?

MICHAEL: Fruitflys?

RACHEL: Yes! Thank you.

CHANDLER: No, no, no, no, no, no. No. Monica, it's Sunday morning. I'm not running on a Sunday.

MONICA: Why not?

CHANDLER: Because it's Sunday, it's God's day.

ROSS: Rach, I got a message from you. Who's Michael?

RACHEL: Oh my God. Oh my God Ross, no, hang up the phone, give me the phone Ross, give me the phone, give me the phone, give me the...

ROSS: You're over me?

RACHEL: Ohh God.

ROSS: Wha, you're uh, you're, you're over me?

RACHEL: Ohh, ohh.

ROSS: When, when were you, under me? Rach. Rachel do you, I mean, were you uh... What?

PHOEBE: Hey Joey.

JOEY: Hey Phoebs.

PHOEBE: How come your watching a rabbi play electric guitar?

JOEY: I can't find the remote.


ROSS: I didn't get a cat.

RACHEL: Oh, that's um, interesting.

ROSS: No, no it's not interesting. OK, it's very, very not interesting. In fact it's actually 100 percent completely opposite of interesting.

RACHEL: Alright, I got it Ross.

ROSS: You had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.


ROSS: I was doing great with Julie before I found out about you.

RACHEL: Hey, I was doin' great before I found out about you. You think it's easy for me to see you with Julie?

ROSS: Then you should have said something before I met her.

RACHEL: I didn't know then. And how come you never said anything to me.

ROSS: There was never a good time.

RACHEL: Right, you, you only had a year. We only hung out every night.

ROSS: Not, not, not every night. You know, and, and it's not like I didn't try Rachel but things got in the way, ya know, like, like Italian guys or ex-fiances or, or, or Italian guys.

RACHEL: Hey, there was one Italian guy, OK, and do you even have a point?

ROSS: The point is I, I don't need this right now, OK. It, it's too late, I'm with somebody else, I'm happy. This ship has sailed.

RACHEL: Yeah, what're you saying, you just sort of put away feelings or whatever the hell it was you felt for me?

ROSS: Hey, I've been doin' it since the ninth grade, I've gotten pretty damn good at it.

transcribed by Josh Hodge