The One With The Embryos (412)

written by Jill Condon & Amy Toomin



Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out


Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding


Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach


Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II


Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Hundredth
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)


Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad


Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
Ross: Hey, what are you doing shopping at eight in the morning?

RACHEL: Well, I've been up since six. Thanks to somebody's dumb-ass rooster.

PHOEBE: You guys you really should get rid of those animals. They shouldn't be living in an apartment.

RACHEL: Yeah! Especially not with all of these knives and cookbooks around.


MONICA: That is sooo not true!

RACHEL: What?

JOEY: She's mad because I know today's her laundry day and that means she's wearing her old lady underpants.

CHANDLER: I can check that for ya.

MONICA: I just, I can't believe that you think that you and Chandler know me and Rachel better than we know you.

CHANDLER: Well, we-we do. You can only eat Tic Tacks in even numbers.


DR. ZANE: It looks like your uterus is ready for implantation.

PHOEBE: Oh! I knew it! I knew it! I felt really thick this morning.

FRANK: Well, okay, so what's now go get, go get the eggs, put 'em in there.

DR. ZANE: Okay, it'll take just a little while to prepare the embryos.

PHOEBE: Embryossss? As in, "More than one?"

DR. ZANE: Um-hmm, five actually.

PHOEBE: Five? Okay, where am I giving birth, a hospital or a big box under the stairs?

DR. ZANE: We do five because that gives you a 25% chance that at least one will attach.

PHOEBE: That's it! 25 percent? That means that's it's like 75 percent chance of no baby at all!

FRANK: Hey, y'know I was thinking, what are the odds like if-if, if you stuff like 200 of them in there?

ALICE: Sweety, now, she's a woman, not a gumball machine.


PHOEBE: Okay, well y'know what, don't worry you guys, 'cause I'm-I'm gonna do this as many times as it takes to get it right.

FRANK: Well, you see, the-the thing is, we-we only got, we kinda have one shot to make it right.

ALICE: Umm, it costs $16,000 each time you do this. So, umm, we're kinda using all the money we have to do it just this one time.

PHOEBE: Whoa!! That`s okay, that's a lot of pressure on me and my uterus. So, well okay, so is there, is maybe is there something that I can do y'know just to like help make sure I get pregnant?

DR. ZANE: No, I'm sorry.

PHOEBE: Wow! You guys really don't know anything!

FRANK: I know! Why don't you get drunk! That worked for a lot of girls in my high school.


ROSS: Gentlemen, pick your category.

CHANDLER: Fears and Pet Peeves.

ROSS: What is Monica's biggest pet peeve?

JOEY: Animals dressed as humans.

ROSS: That's correct. Ladies?

MONICA: Same category?

ROSS: According to Chandler, what phenomenon scares the bejeezus out of him?

MONICA: Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance!

ROSS: That is correct.

JOEY: The Irish gig guy?!

CHANDLER: His legs flail about as if independent of his body!


ROSS: Monica and I have a grandmother who died, you both went to her funeral, name that grandmother!

JOEY: Nana?

CHANDLER: She has a real name.

JOEY: Althea!

CHANDLER: Althea?! What are you doing?!

JOEY: I took a shot.

CHANDLER: Are you sure it was Althea?!

ROSS: Althea is correct.

CHANDLER: Nice shooting!


RACHEL: We'll take Literature!

ROSS: Every week, the TV Guide comes to Chandler and Joey's apartment. What name appears on the address label?

RACHEL: Chandler gets it! It's Chandler Bing!

MONICA: No!!

ROSS: I'm afraid the TV Guide comes to Chinandolor Bong.

MONICA: I knew that! Rachel! Use you're head!

CHANDLER: Actually, it's Miss Chinandolor Bong.


RACHEL: It's All Relative!

ROSS: You don't have to shout everything.

RACHEL: I'm sorry!

ROSS: Ooh. What is the name of Chandler's father's Las Vegas all-male burlesque?

MONICA: Viva Las Gaygas!

CHANDLER: Unfortunately that is correct.

THE GIRLS: Yes!!!


CHANDLER: Well, I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far?

MONICA: How about we play for more money, say 150?

ROSS: 150 dollars.

CHANDLER: Say 200?

ROSS: 200 dollars.

MONICA: You're doing it again.

ROSS: Excuse me.

RACHEL: Monica, I don't want to lose 200 dollars.

MONICA: We won't. 300?

RACHEL: Monica?!

MONICA: I'm just trying to spice it up!

RACHEL: Okay, so let's play for some pepper! Stop spending my money!

MONICA: I got it! How about, if we win, they have to get rid of the rooster?

RACHEL: Oooohh that's interesting.

JOEY: Hey, no way, that rooster's family!

RACHEL: Throw in the duck too!

JOEY: What do you have against the duck?! He doesn't make any noise!

RACHEL: Well, he gets the other one all riled up.

JOEY: Look, we are not gonna...

CHANDLER: All right, hold on! If you win, we give up the birds.

JOEY: Dah!!!

CHANDLER: But if we win, we get your apartment.

JOEY: Oooooh!

MONICA: Deal!


RACHEL: Monica, betting the apartment, I don't know about this.

MONICA: Rachel, I have not missed one question the whole game. I own this game! Look at my hand.

RACHEL: Why? Do you have the answers written on there?

MONICA: No! Steady as a rock!


ROSS: You have 30 seconds. And the lightning round begins... now. What was Monica's nickname when she was a field hockey goalie?

JOEY: Big fat goalie.

ROSS: Correct. Rachel claims this is her favorite movie.

CHANDLER: Dangerous Liaisons.

ROSS: Correct. Her actual favorite movie is...

JOEY: Weekend at Bernie's.

ROSS: Correct. In what part of her body did Monica get a pencil stuck at age 14?

CHANDLER: Oh!

ROSS: Eww! No!! Her ear! All right, Monica categorizes her towels. How many categories are there?

JOEY: Everyday use.

CHANDLER: Fancy.

JOEY: Guest.

CHANDLER: Fancy guest.

ROSS: Two seconds!

JOEY: Uhh, 11!

ROSS: 11, unbelievable 11 is correct. All right, that's 4 for the guys.


ROSS: 30 seconds on the clock. 5 questions wins the game. The lightning round begins, now! What is Joey's favorite food?

MONICA: Sandwiches!

ROSS: Correct. Chandler was how old when he first touched a girl's breast?

RACHEL: 14?

ROSS: No, 19.

CHANDLER: Thanks man.

ROSS: Joey, had an imaginary childhood friend. His name was?

MONICA: Maurice.

ROSS: Correct, his profession was?

RACHEL: Space cowboy!

ROSS: Correct! What is Chandler Bing's job?

RACHEL: Oh gosh, it has something to do with numbers.

MONICA: And processing.

RACHEL: He carries a briefcase.

ROSS: 10 seconds, you need this or you lose the game.

MONICA: It's umm, it has something to do with transponding.

RACHEL: Oh-oh-oh, he's a transponce, transpondster!

MONICA: That's not even a word! I can get this! I can get this!

MONICA: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

RACHEL: Oh my God.

CHANDLER and JOEY: YEAH!!! YES!!!


JOEY: I call Monica's room!

CHANDLER: You can't just call Monica's room.

JOEY: Sure I can, standard shotgun rules, I'm sight of the room and I called it.

MONICA: Man, I feel like I'm coming down with something.

JOEY: What?

MONICA: Yeah. I bet you can't guess what color my tonsils are? I'll bet the apartment!

CHANDLER: Oh, I would never bet this apartment. It's too nice.


MONICA: I can't find garbage bags!

RACHEL: Oh, I think I saw some in here.

MONICA: What is it?!

RACHEL: I don't know! But maybe if we keep that drawer shut, it'll die.




transcribed by Eric Aasen

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