The One With The Evil Orthodontist (120)

written by Doty Abrams


Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out


Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding


Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach


Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
 		CHANDLER: I can't believe you would actually say that. I would much rather be Mr. Peanut than Mr. Salty.

JOEY: No way! Mr. Salty is a sailor, all right, he's got to be, like, the toughest snack there is.

ROSS: I don't know, you don't wanna mess with corn nuts. They're craaazy.

CHANDLER: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...

MONICA: So have you called her yet?

CHANDLER: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane? It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem? I'm right, right?

JOEY and ROSS: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle.

MONICA: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one of you people.

PHOEBE: Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!

CHANDLER: Which, by the way, is the real San Francisco treat. I got her machine.

JOEY: Her answer machine?

CHANDLER: No, interestingly enough her leaf blower picked up.

CHANDLER: Oh, Danielle! I wasn't expecting the machine... Give me a call when you get a chance. Bye bye. Oh God!

MONICA: THAT's what you've been working on for the past two hours?!

JOEY: Man, we gotta do something about that guy. This morning, I caught him looking into our apartment. It creeps me out! I feel like I can't do stuff!

MONICA: What kinda stuff..?

JOEY: Will you grow up? I'm not talking about sexy stuff, but, like, when I'm cooking naked.

PHOEBE: You cook naked?

JOEY: Yeah, toast, oatmeal... nothing that spatters.

CHANDLER: What are you looking at me for? I didn't know that.

PHOEBE: Y'know, if you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps, that means she probably didn't get her messages yet.

CHANDLER: Y'don't think that makes me seem a little...

ROSS: ...desperate, needy, pathetic?

CHANDLER: Ah, you obviously saw my personal ad.

CHANDLER: Hell is filled with people like you.

MONICA: Why don't you just call her?

CHANDLER: I can't call her, I left a message! I have some pride.

MONICA: Do you?

ROSS: Four letters: "Circle or hoop".

CHANDLER: Ring dammit, ring!

ROSS: Thanks.

ROSS: "Heating device".

PHOEBE: Radiator.

ROSS: Five letters.

PHOEBE: Rdtor.

JOEY: Look, I live across the street, and I know all about you and your little telescope, and I don't appreciate it, okay? Yeah, I can see you right now! Hello! If I wanna walk around my apartment in my underwear, I shouldn't have to feel like - Thank you, but... that's not really the point... The point is that... mostly free weights, but occasionally..

MONICA: Joey!!



transcribed by guineapig

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