The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion (324)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
RACHEL: So, come on, what was the big news? Pete wanted to tell you Mon?! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker? PHOEBE: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don't take his name. MONICA: He didn't ask me to marry him. ALL: Ohh. PHOEBE: Well then definitely don't take his name. MONICA: He wanted to tell me he's gonna compete is some ultimate fighting competition thingy. THE GUYS: Pete?! RACHEL: Why?! What is it? MONICA: I don't know exactly. It's-it's sorta like wrestling. PHOEBE: Oh?! MONICA: Yeah, but without the costumes. PHOEBE: Oh. JOEY: And it's not fake, it's totally brutal. CHANDLER: Yeah, it's two guys in a ring, and the rules are: "They're are no rules." MONICA: So you can like, bite, and pull people's hair and stuff? ROSS: Yeah, anything goes, except ah, eye gouging and fish hooking. MONICA: What's fish hooking? ROSS: Huh, what's fish hooking... Thanks man, that would have been really hard to describe. What is that taste? JOEY: What? My hands are totally clean, I just gave the duck a bath. CHANDLER: Today, my boss keep slapping my butt and he was acting like it was no big deal. PHOEBE: Yeesh, what'd you do about it? CHANDLER: Well, I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be the guy who has a problem with his boss slapping his bottom. MONICA: I gotta tell ya, I think it's okay to be that guy. JOEY: Yeah, maybe it's like y'know, that jock thing. Y'know how football players pat each other after touchdowns. RACHEL: Y'know I don't, I don't understand guys, I mean I-I would never congratulate Monica on a great stew by y'know, grabbin' her boob. CHANDLER: Yeah, I know, for a really great stew you just y'know, stick your head in between 'em. MONICA: Hey, umm, so listen umm, my friends were telling me a little about this ah, ultimate fighting thing and it, well it sounds really dangerous. I-I don't want you to get hurt, 'cause I kinda like you. PETE: Oh, believe me, I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being smart about this. See these guys? They're the best trainers in the world, and Hoshi here used to be a paid assassin. A house painter! He used to be a house painter. MONICA: Promise me you'll be careful. PETE: I promise. MONICA: Hey, are we still on for tonight? PETE: Yeah. MONICA: Okay, good, 'cause umm, well maybe we could have a little workout of our own... HOSHI: No! No boom-boom before big fight! MONICA: How 'bout just a boom? CHANDLER: What is with him? PHIL: With him? You're is favourite, you're his guy! STEVENS: We never get smacked. CHANDLER: Well, that's not true, he-he smacked you once. PHIL: Not on purpose, he ricocheted of you and got me. ANNOUNCER: From New York City, New York! Appearing in his Ultimate Fighting Championship debut! He's known for his confrontational business style. Ladies and Gentlemen, introducing Pete Beck-errrr!!! MONICA: I love you, Pete!!! ANNOUNCER: And his opponent, from Hunnington Beach, California! He's a 300 pound street fighter, Tank Abbottttttt!!! MONICA: Pete! Pete!!! That guy's pretty huge! PETE: Don't worry, Hoshi taught me how to use an opponent's strength and weight against him. ROSS: Well, then that guy is in serious, serious trouble. MONICA: ... now you can just look back at this thing with no regrets. PETE: What, look back? MONICA: Well, you're not gonna get going are you? PETE: Well let me ask you a question. Am I the Ultimate Fighting Champion? MONICA: Well, no. But... PETE: Well I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Fighting Champion. MONICA: That guy stood on your neck until you passed out! PETE: Let me tell you a story. When I set out to create Moss 865, do you think it just happened overnight? No. There was Moss 1, that burnt down my Dad's garage, there was Moss 2 that would only schedule appointments in January, and 862 others that I learned from, just like I learned from this fight, never to let a guy stand on my neck. MONICA: You didn't know that already? ROSS: Hey! How long until Pete's fight? MONICA: Oh, about five minutes. Right now they're interviewing his opponent. Apparently he trains by going to Iran and pulling the arms off thieves. CHANDLER: Doug!!! DOUG: Hmm. CHANDLER: I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the that way you express yourself. DOUG: Oh, is it the swearing? I mean is it the constant swearing? Because I gotta tell ya, if it is, you can just... kiss my ass! CHANDLER: No, no. It-it's not about the swearing, it's more about ah, the way, that you ah, occasionally, concentrate, your enthusiasm on my buttock. DOUG: Oh? CHANDLER: Oh, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment. It's just that I, I have a rather, sensitive posterior, and ah, besides, it's making all the other guys jealous. DOUG: Well, say no more. Y'know it takes guts to bring this up. Bing! You're okay. CHANDLER: Okay. DOUG: Ha! Ahhhhhhh! CHANDLER: Ahhhhh! RACHEL: Ohh! Phoebe, this is all your fault! Now he loves her, he's gonna marry her, and this is all your fault. PHOEBE: You said it was okay! RACHEL: You said she was bald!! PHOEBE: What?! What-what-what-what-what?! RACHEL: Phoebe, we can't, we just can't just let it happen! Okay, we have to do something! We have to break them up! Okay? Just go in there and like, shave her head! You owe me one bald girl!!! MONICA: You are insane! You-you gotta give this up! PETE: I can't until I'm the ultimate fighter. I will do it. I'm telling you, the day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight, me or Superman. Now, I'm not saying I could beat Superman, but y'know, kids are stupid. MONICA: Sit down. All right? Please, just listen to me. You are terrible at this! Okay? You are the worst ultimate fighter ever! Ever!! PETE: Y'know I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline fracture in my right forearm, and a severely bruised Adam's Apple, but that really hurt. TV ANNOUNCER: Pete Becker is circling the ring now. It looks like, he's just trying to feel him out. Oh, Bruiser is just... CHANDLER: Run! Run you crazy, rich freak! RACHEL: Oh, I can't watch this. JOEY: Check it out, he's winning! Pete's winning! MONICA: Really?! JOEY: No-o-o!!! TV ANNOUNCER: Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and is going for his favourite area. ALL: Oh! Oh! PHOEBE: Wait, if that's his favourite area, why is he being so mean to it? ROSS: Well, this is ironic. Of your last two boyfriends, Richard didn't want to have kids, and from the looks of it, now Pete can't.
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transcribed by Eric B Aasen
52007
