The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy (301)
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Season 1 Where Monica Gets A New Roomate With The Sonogram At The End With The Thumb With George Stephanoloulos With The East German Laundry Detergent With The Butt With The Blackout Where Nana Dies Twice Where Underdog Gets Away With The Monkey With Mrs.Bing With The Dozen Lasagnes With The Boobies With The Candy Hearts With The Stoned Guy With Two Parts, Part 1 With Two Parts, Part 2 With All The Poker Where The Monkey Gets Away With The Evil Orthodontist With The Fake Monica With The Ick Factor With The Birth Where Rachel Finds Out Season 2 With Ross' New Girlfriend With The Breast Milk Where Heckles Dies With Phoebe's Husband With Five Steaks And An Eggplant With The Baby On The Bus Where Ross Finds Out With The List With Phoebe's Dad With Russ With The Lesbian Wedding After The Superbowl, Part 1 After The Superbowl, Part 2 With The Prom Video Where Ross And Rachel... You Know Where Joey Moves Out Where Eddie Moves In Where Dr.Remore Dies Where Eddie Won't Go Where Old Yeller Dies With The Two Bullies With The Two Parties With The Chickenpox With Barry And Mindy's Wedding Season 3 With The Princess Leia Fantasy Where No-One's Ready With The Jam With The Metaphorical Tunnel With Frank Jnr With The Flashback With The Race Car Bed With The Giant Poking Device With The Football Where Rachel Quits Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister With All The Jealousy Where Monica And Richard Are Friends With Phoebe's Ex-Partner Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break With The Morning After With The Ski Trip With The Hypnosis Tape With The Tiny T-Shirt With The Dollhouse With The Chick and the Duck With The Screamer With Ross's Thing With The Ultimate Fighting Champion At The Beach Season 4 With The Jellyfish With The Cat With The 'Cuffs With The Ballroom Dancing With Joey's New Girlfriend With The Dirty Girl Where Chandler Crosses The Line With Chandler In A Box Where They're Gonna Party! With The Girl From Poughkeepsie With Phoebe's Uterus With The Embryos With Rachel's Crush With Joey's Dirty Day With All The Rugby With The Fake Party With The Free Porn With Rachel's New Dress With All The Haste With All The Wedding Dresses With The Invitation With The Worst Best Man Ever With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II Season 5 After Ross Said Rachel With All The Kissing Hundredth Where Phoebe Hates PBS With All The Kips With The Yeti Where Ross Moves In With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks With Ross's Sandwich With The Inappropriate Sister With All The Resolutions With Chandler's Work Laugh With Joey's Bag Where Everyone Finds Out With The Girl Who Hits Joey With A Cop With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss Where Rachel Smokes Where Ross Can't Flirt With The Ride Along With The Ball With Joey's Big Break In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) Season 6 After Vegas Where Ross Hugs Rachel With Ross's Denial Where Joey Loses His Insurance With Joey's Porsche With The Last Night Where Phoebe Runs With Ross's Teeth Where Ross Got High With The Routine With The Apothecary Table With The Joke With Rachels Sister Where Chandler Can't Cry That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2) With The Unagi Where Ross Dates A Student With Joey's Fridge With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad Where Paul's The Man With The Ring With The Proposal(Season Finale) With Monica\'s Thunder With Rachel's Book With Phoebe's Cookies With Rachel's Assistant With The Engagement Picture With The Nap Partners With Ross's Library Book Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs With All The Candy With The Holiday Armadilio With All The Cheesecakes Where They're Up All Night Where Rosita Dies Where They All Turn Thirty With Joey's New Brain With The Truth About London With The Cheap Wedding Dress With Joey's Award With Ross and Monica's Cousin With Rachel's Big Kiss With The Vows With Chandler's Dad Season 8 After 'I Do' With The Red Sweater Where Rachel Tells... With The Videotape With Rachel's Date With The Halloween Party |
PHOEBE: Oh my God, has she slept at all? ROSS: Nope. RACHEL: No, it's been three nights in a row. ROSS: Yeah, she finally stopped crying yesterday, but then she found one of Richard's cigar butts out on the terrace, so. PHOEBE: Oh, okay that explains it. I got a call at two in the morning, but all I could hear was, like, this high squeaky sound, so I thought okay its like a mouse or a opossum. But then I realized where would a mouse or a opossum get the money to make the phone call. JANICE: I-I-I gotta go, I gotta go. Okay, not without a kiss. CHANDLER: Well, maybe I won't kiss you, and then you'll have to stay. JOEY: Kiss her! Kiss her! ROSS: You need to get some sleep. MONICA: I need to get some Richard. RACHEL: Monica, you broke up with him for a reason. MONICA: I know, I know. I'm just so tired of-of missing him. I'm tired of wondering why hasn't he called. Why hasn't he called! PHOEBE: Maybe, because you told him not to. MONICA: What are you, the memory woman? JOEY: Their not breaking up. Chandler and Janice. Their not breaking up. He didn't blink or anything. RACHEL: Well, you know I'm not surprised. I mean have you seen them together, they're really cute. JOEY: Cute! This is Janice! You remember Janice? RACHEL: Yes, Joey, I remember, she's annoying, but you know what she's-she's his girlfriend now. I mean what can we do? JOEY: There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking for! What can we do? Huh? All right who's first? Huh? Ross? ROSS: Well I'm thinking that Chandler's our friend and Janice makes him happy, so I say we just all be adult about it and accept her. JOEY: Yeah, we'll call that Plan B. All right? RACHEL: Honey, I was wondering... ROSS: Hmm? RACHEL: Do you still have that, um, Navy uniform? ROSS: Nooo, I had to return it to the costume place. RACHEL: Hmm. ROSS: I think I have an old band uniform from high school. RACHEL: You remember not having sex in high school, right? ROSS: Yeah. RACHEL: Well honey, what about you? ROSS: What? RACHEL: I mean do you have any fun, you know, fantasy type things? ROSS: No. RACHEL: Come on you gotta have one! ROSS: Nope. RACHEL: Ross, you know what... ROSS: What? RACHEL: ...if you tell me, I might do it. ROSS: Okay, umm. Did you ever see, um, Return Of The Jedi? RACHEL: Yeah. ROSS: Do you remember the scene with, um, Jabba the Hut? Well Jabba had as, as his prisoner, um, Princess Leia. RACHEL: Oooh! ROSS: Princess Leia, was wearing this, um, gold bikini thing. It was pretty cool. PHOEBE: Yeah, oh, Princess Leia and the gold bikini, every guy our age loved that. RACHEL: Really! PHOEBE: Um, um. It's huge. Yeah, that's the moment, when-when, you know she stopped being a princess, and became, like, a woman, you know. RACHEL: Did you ever do the-the Leia thing? PHOEBE: Oh, yeah, um-mm. Oh! RACHEL: Really! That-that great huh? PHOEBE: No it's just that I got this new pager and I have it on vibrate.See ya! CHANDLER: Hey! JOEY: Wheel! CHANDLER: Of! JOEY: Fortune! This guy is so stupid. It's Count Rushmore!!! CHANDLER: You know, you should really go on this show. JOEY: Look, what do you want me to say? CHANDLER: I want you to say that you like her! JOEY: I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you know. Every time she starts laughing, I just wanna pull my arm off just so that I can have something to throw at her. CHANDLER: Thanks for trying. Oh, and by the way there is no Count Rushmore! JOEY: Yeah, then-then who's the guy that painted the faces on the mountain? PHOEBE: Relax every muscle in your body. Listen to the plinky-plunky music. Okay, now close you eyes, and think of a happy place. Okay, tell me your happy place. MONICA: Richard's living room, drinking wine. PHOEBE: All right. No, no, no, not a Richard thing, just put down the glass. And get out! MONICA: I'm sorry, but that's my happy place. PHOEBE: Well, okay, fine, use my happy place. Okay, I'm just gonna, I have to ask that you don't move anything. MONICA: All right, I'll try not to. PHOEBE: Okay, all right, so, you're in a meadow, millions of stars in the sky... MONICA: Do you think breaking up with him was a huge mistake? PHOEBE: All right, there are no questions in the happy place. Okay, just, the warm breeze, and the moonlight flowing through the trees... MONICA: I'll bet he's totally over me, I'll bet he's fine. PHOEBE: All right, betting and wagering of any kind, are, I'm sure, not permitted in the happy place. Okay. Just-just, you know, the-the lovely waterfalls, and the, the trickling fountains. And the-the calming sounds of the babbling brook... MONICA: Okay, this isn't working. I'm still awake and now I have to pee. JANICE: So, I hear, you hate me! JOEY: I, ah, I never said hate, I was very careful about that. JANICE: A little birdie told me something about you wanting to rip your arm off and throw it at me. JOEY: And you got a 'hate' from that?! You're taking a big leap there... JANICE: All right, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, we've got to do something about our little situation here Joey. So, this is my idea: you and me spending some quality time together. JOEY: But what does that gonna do... JANICE: For Chandler! JOEY: Okay. I'm in. JANICE: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's DAY OF FUN!' JOEY: Does it have to be a whole day? JANICE: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me. JOEY: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room. ROSS: Women tell each other everything. Did you know that? CHANDLER: Umm, yeah. ROSS: No Chandler, everything! Like stuff you like, stuff she likes, technique, stamina, girth.... CHANDLER: Girth? Why, why, why, wh-why, why, why, why would they do this? ROSS: Rachel says sharing's great and supposedly, you know, we outta be doing it. Do you wanna? CHANDLER: We're not gonna talk about girth are we? ROSS: Nooo! CHANDLER: Yeah, okay. ROSS: Yeah? CHANDLER: Yeah! All right! You go first. ROSS: Okay, okay, I'll go first. CHANDLER: Okay. ROSS: So, uh, the other night Rachel and I are in bed talking about fantasies, and I happened to describe a particular Star Wars thing... CHANDLER: Princess Leia in the gold bikini. ROSS: Yes! CHANDLER: I know! ROSS: Yes! Wow, well, that-that was easy. Okay, you-you go. CHANDLER: Okay. ROSS: Okay. CHANDLER: Okay, you know, you know when you're in bed, with a woman. ROSS: Hmph. CHANDLER: And, ah, you know, you're fooling around with her. And you get all these like, mental images in your brain, you know, like Elle MacPherson, or that girl at the Xerox place.... ROSS: With the belly-button ring? Oh, muhawa! CHANDLER: I know, And then all of the sudden your Mom pops into your head. And you're like 'Mom, get outta here!' You know, but of course, like, after that you can't possibly think of anything else, and you can't, you know, stop what you're doing. So it's kinda like, you're, you know. You know... You don't know! ROSS: Your Mom, you're telling me, you're telling me, about your Mom, what is the matter with you? CHANDLER: You said... ROSS: I said 'share' not 'scare'. Go sit over there! JANICE: We're baack! JOEY: Hey! CHANDLER: What are you guys doing together? JANICE: Joey and Janice's 'DAY OF FUN'!!! CHANDLER: Really. JOEY: Yeah, yeah. We went to a Mets game, we got Chinese food, and you know, I love this woman. You have got competition buddy. JANICE: I just came by to give you a kiss, I have to go pick up the baby, so. I'll see you later sweetheart, you too Chandler. CHANDLER: You still can't stand her can you? JOEY: I'm sorry man, I tired, I really did. CHANDLER: Well, you know, I appreciate you giving it a shot. JOEY: But, hey, look, you know the good thing is, is that we spent the whole day together and I survived, and what's even more amazing, so did she. It was bat day at Shea Stadium. CHANDLER: Well, I guess that's something. JOEY: No man, that's huge! Now, I know I can stand to be around her, which means I get to hang out with you, which is kinda the whole point, anyway. CHANDLER: Okay. JOEY: Oh, hey, Chandler, we, ah, we stopped by the coffee shop and ran into Ross. CHANDLER: Oh God! JOEY: Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I do it too. CHANDLER: Really? JOEY: Oh yeah, I always picture your Mom when I'm having sex. MONICA: Hi, Dad, what are you doing here? MR. GELLER: Well, it's your mother's bridge night so I thought that I would come into the city for a little Monicuddle. Since when did you start smoking cigars? MONICA: I don't, I just, I just like the smell of them. So, uh, what are you really doing here Dad? MR. GELLER: Well, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. MONICA: What makes you think that I might not be okay? MR. GELLER: I saw Richard. MONICA: Oh. MR. GELLER: So, how are you doing? MONICA: I'm fine, just a little tired, I'm okay. How's Richard doing? MR. GELLER: You don't wanna know. MONICA: No, I really, really do. MR. GELLER: Well, he's doing terrible! MONICA: Really! MR. GELLER: Worse than when he broke up with Barbara. MONICA: You're not just saying that are you? MR. GELLER: No, the man is a mess. MONICA: Was he crying? MR. GELLER: No. MONICA: Well, do you think he was waiting 'til after you left, so he could cry? MR. GELLER: Maybe. MONICA: I think so. MR. GELLER: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he did. Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel, because he was also strafing German troop trains at the time. However... RACHEL: Okay, here we go. I'm Jabba's prisoner, and you have a really weird look on your face. What? Honey, what is it? Did I get it wrong? Did I get the hair wrong? What? Did you just picture it differently? What? What? ROSS: No, no it's, um, it's not you, um, it's um, it's... MRS. GELLER: Well what is it? Come on sweetie, you're like, freaking me out here. ROSS: I hate Chandler, the bastard ruined my life.
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transcribed by Eric B Aasen
51762
