The One With The Ballroom Dancing (404)

written by Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen

Season 1
Where Monica Gets A New Roomate
With The Sonogram At The End
With The Thumb
With George Stephanoloulos
With The East German Laundry Detergent
With The Butt
With The Blackout
Where Nana Dies Twice
Where Underdog Gets Away
With The Monkey
With Mrs.Bing
With The Dozen Lasagnes
With The Boobies
With The Candy Hearts
With The Stoned Guy
With Two Parts, Part 1
With Two Parts, Part 2
With All The Poker
Where The Monkey Gets Away
With The Evil Orthodontist
With The Fake Monica
With The Ick Factor
With The Birth
Where Rachel Finds Out

Season 2
With Ross' New Girlfriend
With The Breast Milk
Where Heckles Dies
With Phoebe's Husband
With Five Steaks And An Eggplant
With The Baby On The Bus
Where Ross Finds Out
With The List
With Phoebe's Dad
With Russ
With The Lesbian Wedding
After The Superbowl, Part 1
After The Superbowl, Part 2
With The Prom Video
Where Ross And Rachel... You Know
Where Joey Moves Out
Where Eddie Moves In
Where Dr.Remore Dies
Where Eddie Won't Go
Where Old Yeller Dies
With The Two Bullies
With The Two Parties
With The Chickenpox
With Barry And Mindy's Wedding

Season 3
With The Princess Leia Fantasy
Where No-One's Ready
With The Jam
With The Metaphorical Tunnel
With Frank Jnr
With The Flashback
With The Race Car Bed
With The Giant Poking Device
With The Football
Where Rachel Quits
Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister
With All The Jealousy
Where Monica And Richard Are Friends
With Phoebe's Ex-Partner
Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break
With The Morning After
With The Ski Trip
With The Hypnosis Tape
With The Tiny T-Shirt
With The Dollhouse
With The Chick and the Duck
With The Screamer
With Ross's Thing
With The Ultimate Fighting Champion
At The Beach

Season 4
With The Jellyfish
With The Cat
With The 'Cuffs
With The Ballroom Dancing
With Joey's New Girlfriend
With The Dirty Girl
Where Chandler Crosses The Line
With Chandler In A Box
Where They're Gonna Party!
With The Girl From Poughkeepsie
With Phoebe's Uterus
With The Embryos
With Rachel's Crush
With Joey's Dirty Day
With All The Rugby
With The Fake Party
With The Free Porn
With Rachel's New Dress
With All The Haste
With All The Wedding Dresses
With The Invitation
With The Worst Best Man Ever
With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II

Season 5
After Ross Said Rachel
With All The Kissing
Where Phoebe Hates PBS
With All The Kips
With The Yeti
Where Ross Moves In
With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks
With Ross's Sandwich
With The Inappropriate Sister
With All The Resolutions
With Chandler's Work Laugh
With Joey's Bag
Where Everyone Finds Out
With The Girl Who Hits Joey
With A Cop
With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss
Where Rachel Smokes
Where Ross Can't Flirt
With The Ride Along
With The Ball
With Joey's Big Break
In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode)

Season 6
After Vegas
Where Ross Hugs Rachel
With Ross's Denial
Where Joey Loses His Insurance
With Joey's Porsche
With The Last Night
Where Phoebe Runs
With Ross's Teeth
Where Ross Got High
With The Routine
With The Apothecary Table
With The Joke
With Rachels Sister
Where Chandler Can't Cry
That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2)
With The Unagi
Where Ross Dates A Student
With Joey's Fridge
With Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E.
Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Where Paul's The Man
With The Ring
With The Proposal(Season Finale)

With Monica\'s Thunder
With Rachel's Book
With Phoebe's Cookies
With Rachel's Assistant
With The Engagement Picture
With The Nap Partners
With Ross's Library Book
Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs
With All The Candy
With The Holiday Armadilio
With All The Cheesecakes
Where They're Up All Night
Where Rosita Dies
Where They All Turn Thirty
With Joey's New Brain
With The Truth About London
With The Cheap Wedding Dress
With Joey's Award
With Ross and Monica's Cousin
With Rachel's Big Kiss
With The Vows
With Chandler's Dad

Season 8
After 'I Do'
With The Red Sweater
Where Rachel Tells...
With The Videotape
With Rachel's Date
With The Halloween Party
MONICA: Rachel!!!


MONICA: You just put an empty carton back in the fridge!

RACHEL: Oh yeah, I know, but the garbage was full.

MONICA: Have you ever taken out the trash?

RACHEL: Well, I thought you liked doing it.

MONICA: My God! Is this a gym card?

CHANDLER: Oh yeah, gym member. I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last 1200 times.

ROSS: So why don't you quit?

CHANDLER: You don't think I've tried? You think I like having 50 dollars taken out of my bank account every month? No, they make you go all the way down there! Then they use all of these phrases and peppiness to try and confuse you! Then they bring out Maria.

ROSS: Who is Maria?

CHANDLER: Oh Maria. You can't say no to her, she's like this lycra spandex covered gym treat.

ROSS: You need me to go down there with you and hold your hand?


ROSS: So you're strong enough to face her on your own?

CHANDLER: Oh no, you'll have to come.

ROSS: Whoa-whoa-whoa, hey! Now remember what we talked about, you gotta be strong.


ROSS: One more time, "Hey, don't you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"

CHANDLER: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!

ROSS: Good! That's good!

GYM EMPLOYEE: So, are you a member of any gym.

ROSS: No! And I'm not gonna be, so you can save you little speech.

GYM EMPLOYEE: Okay, no problem. Could you come here for a second?

WOMAN: Hi, I'm Maria.


JOEY: Please don't kick Monica and Rachel out, this wasn't their fault, it was mine.

MR. TREEGER: You want me to kick you guys out instead?

JOEY: No you can't do that, where would the chick and the duck live?

MR. TREEGER: You have pets!

JOEY: Noo-no-no, no, those are nicknames. I'm the chick and Chandler is the duck.

MR. TREEGER: Huh, I would've thought it was the other way around.

CHANDLER: We're doomed. Okay, they're gonna take 50 bucks out of our accounts for the rest of our lives. What are we gonna do?

MONICA: Well, you could actually go to the gym.

ROSS: Or! Or, we could go to the bank, close our accounts and cut them off at the source.

CHANDLER: You're a genius!

JOEY: Aww, man, now we won't be bank buddies!

CHANDLER: Now, there's two reasons.

PHOEBE: Ohh, you guys, remember that cute client I told you about? I bit him.

RACHEL: Where?!

PHOEBE: On the touchy.

ROSS: And that's not against your oath?!

PHOEBE: No, I know! I-I'm sorry, but the moment I touch him, I just wanna throw out my old oath and take a new, dirty one.

MONICA: Well, next time your massaging him, you should try and distract yourself.

JOEY: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Like-like when I'm doing something exciting and I don't wanna get too excited, I just ahh, y'know try to thing of other things like ah sandwiches, and ah baseball, and ah Chandler!

CHANDLER: Thank you, Joey.

JOEY: No-no, thank you.

ROSS: We'd like to close our accounts.

BANK OFFICER: Close your accounts? Is there some kind of problem?

ROSS: No-no.

CHANDLER: No, we'd just like to close them.

BANK OFFICER: Okay, Ms. Lambert handles all our closures. Would you come over here please?Ms. Lambert: Hi, I'm Karen.

CHANDLER: I wanna quit the bank!

PHOEBE: Okay, baseball. Rick, playing baseball. Okay, slides into second, maybe even his pants come down a little? Oh no...wait no, no! No! Okay, all right, sandwiches, sandwiches. Umm, okay, on a plate, maybe Rick's pants come down a little. No! No! Okay Chandler! Okay Chandler, ooh, that's working.

MRS. POTTER: Mr. Simon's been waiting for... Oh my God!

MR. SIMON: Why wasn't I offered that? I'd definitely pay more for that.

MRS. POTTER: Phoebe, we have rules here, this isn't that kind of place.

PHOEBE: Oh yeah, oh and I know, but this isn't what it looks like, 'cause Rick is my ahh, husband.

MRS. POTTER: Oh really? Well, then you'd better tell his other wife, 'cause she called three times asking where he is.

MONICA: So you didn't leave the bank?

ROSS: No! And somehow, we ended up with a joint checking account.

RACHEL: What are you ever gonna use that for?!

CHANDLER: To pay for the gym.

PHOEBE: Hey! So I had a great day, Rick and I really hit it off, and we started making out, and then my boss walked in and fired me for being a whore.

JOEY: What?!

RACHEL: You got fired?!

MONICA: Oh my Gosh!

PHOEBE: It's so weird, I have never been fired from anything before!

RACHEL: Sweety...

PHOEBE: I just-I just started walking around not knowing what to do next, y'know? I-I started asking people on the street if they wanted massages. Then these policemen, thought I was a whore too. It's been a really bad day, whore-wise.

JOEY: We did it!!!

MR. TREEGER: I know, we did it!!! Hey, that was incredible, huh?!

JOEY: I know, it was amazing! I mean, we totally nailed it, it was beautiful.

MR. TREEGER: Thank you, listen, thanks a lot Tribbiani. Oh my God, look at the time, I gotta catch the bus to the ball.

JOEY: Oh well, okay, good luck.


JOEY: Unless you wanna practice the Foxtrot again? Or-or the Tango?

MR. TREEGER: Ahh, thanks but no. You see I-I think I'm ready to dance with girls.

JOEY: Okay.


JOEY: Go get 'em Treeger.

MR. TREEGER: Right. Hey, ahh, you wanna come? Marge has a girlfriend.

JOEY: Really?

MR. TREEGER: Yeah, you could dance real good with her, she's the same size as me.

JOEY: No, I'm good.

transcribed by Maree Hilton